• Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. When you are jealous, a line of communication is going on with your spouse or lover that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain. If you witnessed your spouse’s communication line, so it was not hidden from you, you would not feel jealous. Hidden communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions. "Will she find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an affair?" "Is she going to leave me?" "Does he think I’m unattractive?" When you are jealous, the mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe he’ll fall in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "She’s going to lunch with her old boyfriend because she’s still attracted to him." "He’ll come home and tell me he wants a divorce." In the end you have to be happy with yourself in order to be happy with your spouse. Jealousy comes from insecurity within yourself.
  • Low self-confidence .
  • This happens when we think that we NEED another person's attention and affection in order to be OK. That attention is available in limited supply, and the possibility that they might direct it to another person is a threat to our perceived need. Generally this need is coupled to self-esteem: "I'm worthwhile because so-and-so loves me". Well, their love is seen as equivalent to their attention, and their attention isn't unlimited. When it's redirected elsewhere, our very sense of self-worth is endangered. That's jealousy.
  • Not to get to anthropological here but I think it all comes from preservation instinct. You protect and preserve what is yours. You don't want anyone taking something away from you. You might also covet what you don't have. We must not forget the issues of selfishness and insecurity in there too.
  • Human nature.
  • people get jealous because they are insecure in themselves either in their relationship or with themselves causing them to want something they sometimes can't get or get angry because things aren't the way they would like because jealousy really is anger...
  • its when the person you're with paying attention to someone else so they showed that they're the only for you so thats what happens when you show someone you care less about them
  • I guess it started with Adam and Eve.....a really long story :)
  • insecurities
  • peaches
  • Because they feel threatened by another persons presence or willingness.
  • love is blind but jealousy has vision To relate it to "Othello," consider how love and jealousy influence each character's actions, especially the title character's. Notice how easily Othello changes his mind about his wife. Is he right or wrong each time? What does he "see" and "not see"? To elaborate a bit on Bergie's thought (possibly more than she would like), someone truly in love will overlook a lot in the object of his love--he will not see her faults. But a jealous man or woman will see every little fault--especially if it can be twisted to suggest some lack of fidelity on the loved one's part. Not to suggest that Desdemona had any faults to observe, but surely Othello in his first love for her would have overlooked any flaw. But once roused to jealousy and suspicion by Iago he sees everything differently. "Why do we turn green with envy? Judith S. Neaman and Carole G. Silver report that 'green' and 'pale' were alternate meanings of the same Greek word. In the seventh century B.C., the poetess Sappho, used the word 'green' to describe the complexion of a stricken lover. The Greeks believed that jealousy was accompanied by an overproduction of bile, lending a pallid green cast to the victim. Ovid, Chaucer, and Shakespeare followed suit, freely using 'green' to denote jealousy or envy. Perhaps the most famous such reference is Iago's speech in Act 3 of Othello: O! beware my lord, of Jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster which doth mock The meat it feeds on. Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. It has been an enduring topic of interest for scientists, artists, and theologians. Psychologists have proposed several models of the processes underlying jealousy and have identified individual differences that influence the expression of jealousy. Sociologists have demonstrated that cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of jealousy. Biologists have identified factors that may unconsciously influence the expression of jealousy. Artists have explored the theme of jealousy in photographs, paintings, movies, songs, plays, poems, and books. Theologians have offered religious views of jealousy based on the scriptures of their respective faiths. Despite its familiarity, however, people define jealousy in different ways. The word "jealousy" is frequently used to describe what is more properly envy, fixation on what someone else has. Psychology of jealousy While mainstream psychology considers sexual arousal through jealousy a paraphilia (categorized as zelophilia), some authors on sexuality (Serge Kreutz, Instrumental Jealousy) have argued that jealousy in manageable dimensions can have a definite positive effect on sexual function and sexual satisfaction. Studies have also shown that jealousy sometimes heightens passion towards partners and increases the intensity of passionate sex. Sociology of jealousy Anthropologists have claimed that jealousy varies across cultures. Cultural learning can influence the situations that trigger jealousy and the manner in which jealousy is expressed. Attitudes toward jealousy can also change within a culture over time. For example, attitudes toward jealousy changed substantially during the 1960s and 1970s in the United States. People in the United States adopted much more negative views about jealousy. Study Reveals World's Most Jealous Men: In relationships, it is well known than men are mostly jealous about sex, while women are mostly concerned about emotional attachments. Psychologists have conflicting explanations for this, believing it comes either from evolution or from culture. The new cross-cultural research suggests the former is more important. It reveals that Brazilian men are the most jealous; Swedish men and women are more concerned about sex than any other nation, and Japan is the least jealous country. Gary Brase, working at the University of Sunderland, UK, looked at jealousy in many countries and found the expected differences between men and women. It reveals that Brazilian men are the most jealous; Swedish men and women are more concerned about sex than any other nation, and Japan is the least jealous country. They also maintain that the origin of jealousy in women is due to the substantial investment they make in time and energy in producing a child. They do not want it to be wasted if their partner falls in love with someone else. Countries with high fertility rates, like Brazil, had men who were very jealous about their partners having sex with others. Men in countries with a lower overall fertility rate, such as Japan, were less bothered.
  • Jealousy is often a gut instinct. When we are deeply in love with someone we realize just how valuable and wonderful that person is not only to us but to others around us. Sometimes, when we realize the flaws within ourselves it is only natural to get a little bit jealous in regards to our mate. Someone else may have more of their time and attention. Someone else may make them laugh more often then we do. You cannot get jealous if you are truly in love with someone. But the key to being truly in love is the ability to love yourself. If you do not love yourself, you cannot give love to other people. It is time to step back and start accepting yourself for who you are. If you are secure with the person that you are it will be easier to not let jealousy enter into your relationship with your partner. When jealousy strikes us it is important to look at our insecurities within the relationship. What are the things about the relationship that worry us? What are the things that we can change within ourselves? We have power over ourselves and the changes we make in our lives. We do not have the right or power to change someone else. They are not our moral responsibility. Use the jealousy to make yourself a better person and to strengthen your relationship. Sometimes jealousy is a result of having been hurt in the present or past relationships. If one's mate cheats, lies, sneaks or has secrets then trust issues have been seriously violated. When new circumstances arise and trust is already broken it is only natural to become jealous and insecure about the relationship. Love is not a one way street. You should not have to fight to keep the person that you love. If you cannot trust them, then perhaps you're in a relationship of dependency and not love. Sit back and think about it and make the best choices I have witness too many relationships fail because a failure to communicate. Communication is a very important factor in relationships. As much as us females tend to wish men could read our minds the inevitable fact remains that they can't.. You are much better off simply telling them how you feel. If you feel as though by speaking up you may be hurting your partner's feeling by telling them the truth, take into consideration that by not telling them you are hurting them more. Nothing hurts worse than knowing you could've prevented a break-up if you had only known what your partner were feeling. If you are trully in love then have you have to trust that this person will listen. Which brings me to my sexond key : Trust. You cannot trully love a person if you do not trust them Jealousy is not just a word that can be ignored or excused. It is a word to be feared because it is fear that creates this negative feeling. Have you ever noticed how jealousy changes your relationship from happy to devastate in just seconds? It will feel like something that you would not wish on your worst enemy. The negative emotions that are hidden behind this word jealousy will tear your trust apart letter by letter, and rearrange it until it spells deception, betrayal, even hate. Theses words will turn you into a paranoid living creature, hiding from reality. Reality is truly jealousy’s enemy. It avoids its enemy as quickly as it replaces the positive thoughts that you once had in its place. It is strong enough to take control of your mind and direct it into thinking that someone you dearly trust and love has turned into another being, a being that is cheating on you, lusting for another, watching pornography behind your back, lying to you when you ask a direct question, twisting everything you say so that you come out looking like you are delirious and they will laugh at you when you cry out for help. It will tear your guts apart until you feel like you are going to vomit and it will make your head swirl with uncertainty. Jealousy can speed up your breathing quicker than a exercise machine, which in turn will send your heart racing into turmoil. It is a total body trauma. It can make your body break out into a sweat so fast that it will make rain look slow. If you have ever had even one minute of these threatening feelings, you know exactly what I am trying to explain here. This negative emotion will make your mind fear abandonment, ones biggest fear in a relationship are to be replaced or abandoned. This fear alone is a very strong trigger of jealousy. This fear will imprison you and force you to suffocate or guard what’s yours, until that person can no longer be a victim to your jealousy. It will drive you to feel a deep need to control another’s thoughts and actions. To allow jealousy in your mind to the point of this kind of control, is to fall victim to an,” attachment prison” or an addiction. In this attachment prison you are the weaker element of the partnership or relationship, your need to feel attached will ruin your sense of security and your self-esteem. A very good example of an attachment prison is when you fear with all of your senses to let your partner out of your site, not even to go to the corner store or to work for fear he may see someone that you would deem as a total threat. Jealousy is like a drug. Once it gets into your veins, you are no longer coherent or independent in your thinking. You have now just become a dependent thinker, dependent on jealousy and its power. To have such a need is also equivalent to an addict needing a drug. Your addiction is your jealousy, your high is the adrenalin that your body creates through its fears, only this is not positive adrenalin; it is a pure negative adrenalin rush. The only antidote to combat this addiction is through positive steps that will strengthen your ability to take back your control and find a freedom from that attachment prison. jealousy will not rest until through you, it has created a frustrating and unbearable environment that puts you in the position in your relationship as your own worst enemy. In effect you become the attacker that you have been trying to run from. You are now jealousy! You are the cause of this turmoil that is being thrown to your outside world; an outside world that cannot possibly feel your pain; nor can they help you escape it. But they will look down on you in their confusion. You are all alone in this prison. You are the only one that can feel this pain, the only one that feels this need to control and hide from the world. You will find yourself being driven by negative thoughts every turn you make. Have you ever been on a negative thought rollercoaster? If you ever have, you will understand what I mean when I say negative thoughts; negative thoughts that will not let you think rationally. If anything, they will work very hard at confusing your positive thinking. You will spend countless hours talking to yourself trying to get out of insecure feelings and you will end up right back feeling the same negative control that jealousy has over you. Jealousy will rob you of sleep hour after hour. When your mind cannot sleep, it becomes weak and that is exactly what strengthens the negative thoughts that will feed jealousy and keep it controlling you. These thoughts will turn over in your head until they are locked into a place of negative non realities. This is when you begin to believe in things which seem surreal. An example of this non reality is, let’s say, you’re walking past your partner as he is watching television. A commercial is on. There is a young scantily dressed woman on the commercial. Your immediate reaction is fear. You fear that at that very minute he is lusting her or worse, wishing you were her. As I said non- real negative thoughts = jealousy. This negative emotion is extremely careful to not allow your self-esteem to strengthen. It will turn your thoughts into a comparison mode instantly when it feels threatened. When it can put your mind into doubt of it’s worth, it has total control. It will continue to control and force thoughts of being undeserving, not worthy, unintelligent, boring, self-less, non-appealing, even just plain ugly. It is a true negative powerful and destructive emotion that will not only control your thoughts but will also alter your desire to love. It will make you hide in safe, loveless corners and never allow another person into your heart. To allow a person into your heart would mean that you would be putting yourself at risk of falling victim to jealousy and all the horror that it creates and feeds on. So, you at this stage begin to set up protective walls, separating you from ever being hurt, but also putting a wedge in between you and your partner. Your choice, if you choose to stay in negative thinking, is to live a life alone. When you have allowed it to weaken your thoughts to the point of delusional thinking, your mind will only see what will feed this negative emotion. All of your rational characteristics will be taken over by irrational thoughts and reactions. Everything that you thought you could control is now uncontrollable. Nothing is what it seems, while this jealousy emotion has you imprisoned behind its bars of negative and low self-worth thoughts. This is what you already know of jealousy. It is not fun. It is not a happy place. It is however very destructive and it will destroy your life if you continue to allow it to control your thoughts. As I mentioned earlier in this article, your mind has two sides, one being negative and one being positive. You have the ability to choose. Unjustified Jealousy For a Fix Unjustified jealousy is another story. If you think your partner is up to no good every time they leave your presence then there is a problem. If you’re pretty sure your partner is faithful and they continuously need to assure you that they are, this can become addictive. You get upset, and you like the way it feels when they stress to you how much they love you and would never do anything to hurt you, or something along those lines. Eventually, whether you actually "feel" jealous or not, you will be confronting them just to get your fix. Your partner may be patient at first but eventually they will tire of having to constantly reassure you and may even think that if they are being accused of it anyway, why not do it. You will drive them away unless you can get this under control. The tips below may help you with this type of jealousy. Just Plain Jealous Perhaps the majority of us fall under this category. We are afraid our partner will find someone prettier (or more handsome), smarter, richer, or just plain better. This is the heart of jealousy, our own insecurities. The tips below may help you overcome this type of jealousy. Analyze It Look at the reasons you are jealous. Do you find that they are because your partner does things that encourage you to feel that way? Do the feelings come from an old relationship where you were cheated on? Do you feel that eventually everyone will cheat on you? Perhaps it is because your partner isn't giving you enough attention? Take the time to analyze why you feel like you do. If you find it is something your partner is or is not doing, then have a serious discussion with them about the way you feel and why. If you find that the feelings come mostly from inside yourself, then here are a few suggestions for easing them: * Always remember that unless you have a good reason to be jealous, you should not harp on your partner. If the feelings are very strong that your partner is cheating but you have no proof, then there are trust issues in the relationship and whether your partner is or isn't, until trust can be found, jealousy will exist. On the other hand, if the feeling just comes from seeing your partner glance at another person, or they have attractive co-workers, then you need to remind yourself that they CHOSE you. Don't make them sorry by constantly harassing them. Obviously they found something in you that appeals to them and unless you push them away, they will probably continue to love you for you. * Don't feel negatively about yourself and certainly do not talk negatively about yourself. Self confidence (this does not mean being egotistical) is very attractive and if you remind yourself to think positive when negative feelings come up, you will eventually develop a habit of doing so. * Don't try to control the relationship. You can't control the other person and by attempting to do so, you are setting yourself up for failure. Even if they seem to comply to your demands, everyone has a mind of their own. If you feel like you can't trust them unless you know what they are doing, who they are with, where they are, every second, then either they are untrustworthy and will cheat anyway, or you will push them away. This is a no win situation. If your partner does things that hurt you, for example, talks to their ex. Then let them know, hey, when you do that, it hurts me and I would prefer it if you didn't talk to that person alone. This will be more likely to get the desired response then demanding they don't see them anymore. * Be a trustworthy friend to your partner. Be more than the person they love, be their friend also. If your partner knows they can trust you implicitly and more than love you, they also like just hanging out with you, then the relationship will be stronger and reasons for feeling jealous will disappear. Developing a friendship before the relationship begins is the best way to accomplish this but it is possible to do so afterwards also. Jealous Partner If you are in a relationship with a partner who is jealous, be sure you aren't giving them a reason to feel that way. If you aren't, then talk to them and let them know that it is driving you away. Don't say what they want to hear and then just do what you want even if it is innocent. If they find out, the jealousy will become even stronger. Stand up to them and let them know that you won't accept it and help them find ways to overcome it. In conclusion, jealousy exists in all of us to some degree. The best way to overcome it is inside you. Make the decision that you simply won't be jealous unless there is a good reason. Don't just say it, make a decision that this is the way it will be. This involves a true desire to change and a life altering decision, but it can be done if you make up your mind to do so and replace old habits with better ones. Not only will your partner be happier, so will you. Try to control your jealousy, even if you are jealous about little things, don`t show it to your partner every time you are jealous. Your partner might find it annoying after a while, and you might the opposite effect you want to achieve. Instead, calm down and think, whether you got any reason to get jealous. Jealousy can be brutal to ones emotions, but we must understand the root of our jealousy. We must relize that WE chose to act this way and feel this certain way. It would be simplest to talk to your partner about how you feel, but i know that can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. The longer you reject your feelings of jealousy and try to ignore them the worse they will grow. If we just relax and breathe in and out, thinking and understanding our jealousy and why we feel this way, it will help us understand our jealousy and eventually free ourselves from the feeling.
  • because they get mad when the cant have what u have and they dont like it but the way i see it is that they will get over them selves because they just mad that u have something that they want but cant have....

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