ANSWERS: 98
  • On a piece of paper, make two columns (or you can do this on a WP in Table format). Entitle the left column "Positives" and the right column "Negatives". In the left column write down all the Positive things about the person you love. The list may be short - especially if he/she hasn't been treating well lately. Be as honest with yourself as possible. Next write down all the Negative things about this person. List actual situations/events where you noticed ambivalent or non-caring behavior on their part. It may hurt to write these things down, but it's important you remember them. Save this list. You may not remember all the negative/hurtful things that were done to you so you can always add to the list later. At the bottom of this list, write: I may lose many things in life, but I will not lose my SELF ESTEEM or SELF RESPECT. No matter what, I WILL NOT CALL THIS PERSON. Depending on your situation it's not always possible not to have contact with this person anymore. The dissolve of a marriage or live-in situation, usually requires contact when resolving financial or material issues. Have as little contact as possible though, and when calling/emailing them, state your business only and don't give them a chance to hurt you again. Try to call them at times you know they won't pick up the phone and leave a message regarding your business so you don't have to speak to them. If at all possible, have a loved one or friend collect your belongings. I ended a 7 year relationship a few months ago, so I know how you're feeling right now. Keeping a list like this - in addition to good friends to talk to - helped pull me through but I won't say it was easy. Although hard to do - keep yourself from contacting them because you miss them and want to "talk". This puts you in a vulnerable/disadvantaged state and you will end up hating yourself for it. God bless and I hope this message helps a little.
  • I was desperately, hopelessly in love with someone who could not love me back and I was losing my mind over it. I bought a book called "How to Fall out of Love : How to Free Yourself of Love That Hurts--and Find the Love That Heals..." and it gave me simple, practical things to do in order to let go of that self-destructive love. It worked very well for me.
  • The best way to fall out of love is to avoid contact with that person. Just let things play out. This is not easy, as I speak from firsthand experience. I wanted to get out of loving a girl for months, but my heart wouldn't let me. What your heart feels is beyond your control. You may experience pain, but everything happens for a reason. The key is to be patient.
  • You fall out of love the same way you fall out of bed. You aren't in it deep enough. Falling out of love happens when you don't give the attention necessary to keep it going. You gave that kind of attention before -- when you "fell in love".
  • Falling out of love happens when we are angry, upset, or hurt by the person that we love. In that moment of unhappiness, you can be angry and still love someone but at that moment you are probably not feeling love and thus 'out of love' is what you feel has happened. Falling back in love is always a choice. We choose to love again and again or we can choose not to. That's why love is so fragile in my opinion.
  • You cannot will yourself to be absolutely out of love with someone. Even a grave deception by him/her couldnt do it. Detach yourself from the one you love and forget and maybe in time you will.
  • Don't attempt to destroy love from your 'heart' , ever. Be glad that in a seemingly cruel society, you are still capable of loving unconditionally. Just attempt to transform 'in love' to 'love.' You put alot of love into a relationship so you deserve the good memories. Go ahead and remember the best and forget the rest. Know that there is more to your life than loving or being loved by a certain person. Love others by simply smiling and doing good deeds for others withour expecting anything in return (even appreciation)and never allow anyone to take advantage of you. The more you love a person (not meaning 'in love' the easier it will be to let that person go. tabbie
  • "Its the same way you fall in love, just the reverse process!" that was the response of my ex-girlfriend when she broke up with me. Until today, I have no idea what I did wrong, but IMO this is one of the most hardest things to do.
  • Falling out of love is not difficult. it happens when one or both turn their attention to other objects, other than each other. Falling in love means two people, together, to fight the world. But, if your question applies to another situation, here is that answer. if you are in love with someone and the feeling is not mutual, the road ahead can be full of lonelines. loving someone that does not love you is heartbreaking. keep looking and do not give up. the right person for you is out there. go shopping.
  • you cant. ever.
  • - - nothing that has got to do with the person. Do the things you like to do, have fun with what you got. Pretend you're still a kid, not giving a shit 'bout anything else. Live life to the fullest, learn froom mistakes. It's not the end of the world! Besides, love the ppl that matters the most, and who deserves it, not just someone who you 'thought' loves you back. If it's gone, it's gone. Can't hold on to something that was never yours. YOu can try... always try... but you have to cut the line when you know it's time. ... __"don't cry because it's over-smile because it happened"___ if your the types who doesn't love the person like you use to, .. then, you wouldn't be reading this, because falling out of love from someone is sooo easy, so that wouldn't be a problem. However, if your the types who's still hanging on... always remember, if you learn to love that person, you can learn to love the other just the same. Time will heal your wounds, bringing you forward to the future, so don't worry about yesterdays, and all your faults... you did what you could, and it's all that matters. :) ..live it up..
  • Still waiting... I haven't had contact with that person in 5 months, and yet I still hate to be alone with my thoughts.
  • I don't know. That is whay I have visited this site. But, I do know that if you hold on too tightly to something, you will lose it-so let go. Everything happens for a reason, and if it ws really meant to be, you two will find eachother some way, somehow...but do not be a victim to someone who can't or doesn't love you back. It's not your fault...I understand the pain, as it is the worst, most emotional feeling; I get it. But, let go. Distance yourself, and make the other person miss you, and if he/she does, they will come back to you and fight for you like you deserve to be fought for. If he/she doesn't, then it's not meant to be. When you want to call that person, don't. It's hard, and it hurts, but just hold on to your self-respect, and realize that taking care of yourself comes before anyone else. It's true-and please, please, don't depend on someone else to make you happy-find inner happiness and strength-it's hard, but do it. Find what makes you feel alive, and indulge. Most importantly, find others' that care about you-really care, and who will listen unconditionally, and go to them when you need to. It helps to talk, and try to place yourself outside of the situation and see it from an outside. It puts things into perspective that way- I know it's hard. Do it. Please remember that you will get through this. I don't always believe it myself, but I know it's true. There is so much out there to live for-now get out there and find it.
  • Some of the responses on this site have helped; however, my heart is still breaking. I'm waiting for it to finish breaking. I just don't think it ever will stop. When the person you're in love with has been completely honest with you and has done nothing wrong, how do you fall out of love? It would be so much easier if you could be upset, mad, angry, etc. with that person, but when those emotions are not relevant, how do you do this? My mind and heart have weakened over this problem and quite frankly, I don't think you can just flip a switch and stop loving someone. The message about transforming the "in love" feelings to "just love" seems like a fair answer. I will give it a try. Please stay tuned... :( Regards, One lonely and broken heart...
  • Usually the only reason you would want to fall out of love is because you were betrayed or hurt so you no longer want to have such strong feelings for that person. That is something I have gone through before with two different people who I was very in love with. I came to realize that a very large part of love is just plain emotional attatchment. The only reason people don't want to get over it and stop loving somebody is because they have a hope that things will get better and they don't want to let go. As soon as you convince yourself you are completely done with that person, and you don't WANT to be with them anymore, then you will fall out of love. I believe that anybody can fall out of love in a second if it's what they really want.
  • I'm in love with woman (3 years now) that stays angry at me, (always very petty things ex: I might have to work late (3 hours or so) or maybe cause i'm 5 min. late on picking her up etc. she will go out with her X husband because they are "friends". It kills me and she blames it on me cause I'm not around all the time. She loves me with all her heart but she's very selfish, this is not only my opinion but that of her family also. I think she's bad for me but I can't let her go. The no contact advise is good but neither one of us can do it for long. I'm misuable all the time and so is she. I'm not sure what to do. I no someone out there has gone through this before. HELP!
  • I would probably say it's probably immpossible for someone to fall out of love. I was with my girlfriend for a year and one month. We broke up and didnt see each other for about a year and a half but we still talked on the phone occasionaly. When we seen each other finally our love for one another was stronger than EVER. Love is carzy. I doubt if someone can stop loving someone else.
  • To fall out of love...I think if you love someone, you will always love them. But that doesn't mean that you are IN love with them anymore. I dated someone for 6years. I fell inlove with him for 8. 2years prior to our relationship. I didn't give up with him, but I was very young and eventually I felt bored. I ended up falling out of love. It just happend. Now I am inlove with someone who is pretty much afraid of commitment as well as love its self. He has been through some tough relationships so I can understand. I just feel as if he isn't giving me a real chance. People say I should move on. When he is ready, he will come to me. But it's hard to move on and be with others if your heart is with that special person. How can you put your love on a temporary hold?? Because, I'm not sure if I want to fall out of love in its entireity>?
  • It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp.
  • you can't destroy real love, you can only change the scenery.
  • i need help with this myself. my gf and i (yes we're both girls) just broke up a week and half ago. we were going out for 2 1/2 years and even though towards the end things seemed bad we had generally a good relationship. i still love her so amazingly much and i want her back. she says she loves me as well but simply CAN'T be with me (due to her culture, he family won't accept it). I couldn't imgaine losing family because of choosing to be with someone and i don't want to ask her to do that. but being with her has been the most amazing thing in my life. and we could work it out i just know we could. i ask her everyday to give us another chance and everyday i get rejected. it hurts so bad because both of us didn't really do anything wrong for it to end. we were just going through problems and she didn't want to deal with it anymore. i would do anything to get this girl back and i know deep down she wants to get back with me but she's fighting it. i don't know what to do i really don't, i'm dying inside and i don't know how much longer i can go on feeling like this. help, anyone?
  • I love a guy so frekin much. He doesnt love me back and we never see each other but i still love him. i dont have his number so i have no contact with him but i stiillllll love him
  • The first thing to do is to pray. Then, avoid being in places that you know this person will be. Do not call him, e-mail him even your guts are telling you to do so.When you feel lonely, go out or do something productive. Most importantly,take it one day at a time because it's just not going to happen the next day. Remember, there will always be scars that are left but they won't hurt you.
  • i have a frien we both like eachother but we cant get 2gether because he is good friends with my brothers but i have fallen for him despite hez forbidden fruit and a player yess a PLAYER and it hurts soo much not being able 2 have him n i wanna move on soo bad and show him what hes misssin out on i will always love him bit i jus need 2 let go and move on because it simply isent ment 2 be seein he doesnt feel im woth fighting for i can do better anyway need to take him off that pedestal!!!
  • there's really no answer to this that will work 100% of the time. For some, waiting may work, but for others, it may only make it worse. You could also choose to ignore that person... Also, maybe think of all the bad qualities that person has and forget about all their good ones... idk myself. ive liked someone for a few months now and can't seem to fall out... good luck to all y'all!
  • Honestly, i dont think u ever do. If u think about it they r always going to be in your heart no matter what. But u can move on an live happy. I looked up this web sit because i am going through a tough time trying to find where my happyness is, and were my love isn't. I was in a really deep realationship with this guy that really just didn't get me. i did every thing in my power to try to show him that i loved him but he just could not do the same or even realize how much i have really done. He was my first love i know they say that first loves always hurt the worst, and its true cause that is a feeling that u have never felt before, and that love that u felt messes it up for any other love becuase u r going to be scared that it will happen again. dont let that full u just now u know whats on ur plate to figure out what u can change or how u can hadel a situation. Me just looking up this site is really helping me figure out what my life needs. not nessassaraly a man but maybe its time i start thinking for me, not stressing over a situation that is out of ur control. lay back an relax thats what i am going to do and i am going to take my time cause there is a love forever one some just comes sooner than others.... u will find urs.
  • my girl of 7 years has finally broken up with me and is moving out. after breaking up with me numerous times over that past 2 years, she finally is sticking to it. she has apologized for hurting me in the past and told me i did nothing wrong. she just says "I love you, but i'm not in love with you" and "i know that has caused you pain and i'm sorry". i am so appreciative of her honesty and i want her to be happy so i'm doing everything i can to make this easy for her. at the same time i'm dying inside and losing my mind. i'm doing what i can to give her space. that seems like all you can do, otherwise, she'll feel smothered and not be happy. of course i wish after time she will realize what we have and come back to me. until then, you got to respect her wishes and support her (if she's nice to you). truth is, my feelings for her will never change, so i have to realize that, keep her in my heart and move on. just take things day by day, second by second, and if you have people to talk to that you can trust, talk to them. if not, get some counseling.
  • the more you try, the mosre you obsess over it, cutting into the wound deeper and deeper. To try and change something that is not within our control is like a kid running to catch the aeroplane far above their head. The only thing you can do during such painful times as these is to be completly honest to yourself. The love may linger for a long time to come, but you have the choice (however hard it may be) to carry on without the one you desire the most. Its a cruel fact to have to digest, but only by living do we learn about the real meaning of love. It doesnt end today.
  • I've read the answers and most of you want to fell out of love because the other person broke up with you or a similar situation. My case is quit different. I met a guy on a international course. He was and still is the only one that makes me laugh until my eyes water and with whom i ever felt completely save. He just got me. Which is a very extraordinary thing seeing I'm not a very easy person to get along with. He only has one flaw. It is big blue and starts with an a. The atlantic oceaan and the fact that we live at opposit sides of it. So their was no way that this relationship could ever last. So I'm trying to fall out of love with him for quit some time now but I guess it is true what they say. You can't fall out of love as easy it was to fall in to it. And I think 'Falling out of love' Isn't the right expression. It's more like climbing out of love, it is much harder and you may fall back any moment and you can hurt yourself while doing it. P.S. sorry if I made any spelling or grammar mistakes, I'm not a native english speaker and I lost my dictionary
  • How do I? It usually starts when I start to feel like my time is being wasted on that particular person.
  • If you mean how do you cause it to happen, I know of no way. If you mean what are the signs..then for me, it is that the things about him/her that are annoying get more and more annoying..pretty soon you are annoyed all the time and when that happens you're no longer in love. :)
  • By minimising contact with the person, it helps bring your thoughts in order, B it if you'r looking to find were your relationship is going or if ur looking to find some sort of escape this person has on your heart and mind. In time the person you loved seems to occupy your thoughts less, the most important thing is to give yourself time to recover from the realtionship and not swing from one relationship to another in an attempt to keep the eurphoria, or turn to other things in time of need. This is a time for silent reflection over the ripples that have occured in the pond, to truely understand rather than question and most importantly having strength and heart to go on. Time does heal all wounds, though love may scar worse than most, it still heals itself in time...all in time.
  • I have been in love with what I thought was the most perfect woman in the world. I thought everything was perfect and we would someday marry. Two and a half months ago she broke up with me. I went back after 3 weeks to "bring back stuff" and we just looked at each other so lovingly and embraced, kissed...well, you get the point. So I left there thinking she just needed time and we would resume our love for one another. Needless to say that didnt happen, but she still wanted to remain good friends. I tried, but I found myself making excuses to e-mail her, talk to her and just seeing her name would send me in a frenzy of emotion! But inside, it was killing me. And then she told me she was just "talking" to another boy and it was like the knife stuck right back in fresh again. Well today I told her I could no longer do this "friend" thing. You cant keep talking to someone or seeing their pic on e-mail or MSN or whatever and expect to forget the love and relive the pain!! I know its only been 2 and a half months, but I still think of her so dearly and telling her I no longer wanted to be her friend was one of the hardest things I ever did. But I just know I had to.....you gotta regain control of your heart, and you cant do that with regular contact with the person who you love, but that does not love you back. Good luck to all on here. We will survive!! LOL
  • When you find out the person you fell in love with was not the same person standing before you, yelling at you, complaining about everything and spreading bad vibes and negativity all over the place....that's how.
  • I don't think that true love is something controllable by humans. We don't chose whom we love, we don't dictate when that love dims from passion into a deeper, calmer love and we can't choose not to feel it. Real love lasts forever. You may find you're no longer compatable with your partner or that you've grown apart, but that only means it may be time to make a change in your life. It doesn't mark the end of love. That which often passes for love, a fiery infatuation, can fade and burn out. It doesn't have the substance or depth of actual love.
  • Love is like a plant, it needs to be nurtured and requires constant attention. When you stop caring, when you stop feeding it, it will whither and die. Love just doesn't stop, you stop loving. Your reasons for loving a person may change, which in turn effects your view of the person and how much effort you want to put into keeping that person and the love you share with them. If your love was based on pure physical attraction (then it wasn't really love in the first place), as that physical beauty fades, your reason for loving them fades, thus your committment to keeping that love alive fades until you are no longer in love. People don't just fall out of love, through a series of choices that may span months to years, they choose to stop loving someone. Whether its because they decided they found something better to love, or because their loved one did something unforgiveable, its a choice. It is also repairable. You can fall back in love with someone you are falling out of love with if you are both willing to try at it. It is hard to love someone that doesn't love you back. Saying "I fell out of love" is an excuse, not a reason. It is a statement that does not explain what the problem is. The problem isn't that you allowed yourself to fall out of love, that is the end result of the problem. The problem is what caused you to change your mind about loving the person in the first place that resulted in your falling out of love.
  • If your wife bangs your brother.
  • you find another apple tree and watch it bloom!
  • I am trying to do this. A woman and I love each other, but we work together. We are not allowed to date. She reports to me at work. We had an affair that had to be secret for a year and a half. It was incredible. No doubt it was true love for both. It wasn't just a physical attraction. We loved everything about each other. A perfect couple. We mutually agreed that our relationship could never progress while we worked together. But neither could quit our jobs. We had too much invested in our salaries. We split apart and both went into new relationships. It hurt us both. Neither could see each other with the other person. We were both jealous of each others' new people. We would talk about it though. After 9 months of dating these same other people, we both admitted that we were still madly in love with each other. We began to start sneaking hugs and kisses at work and telling each other how much we loved each other. The electricity was still there and we both knew it. It was unfair to the other people, but undeniable. You can't control your heart. We had to fall out of love with each other. Its preventing us from loving anyone else. We can't avoid contact. Its so hard. The sad part is, the two other people we are with were perfectly good mates who we would both probably love. But the love for each other just won't go away. Sadly, it feels like a forever love.
  • This is the hardest thing i ever had to do .I'm not exactly over this person yet but i'm gonna be i know i'm strong enouph to forget everything that has to do with this person but its kind of a hard thing to do when i work at the same place with this person and have to come across them one way or another and even harder cause we share a best friend together .i'm gonna answer your question when i do " climp out of love "
  • Honestly, it's impossible........the love only deminishes. ONCE someone enters my heart the love and caring never leaves! It doesn't happen often but when it does there's always that special place for that person.
  • How??? Just look back in your life, things you used to hold onto you ended up letting go. Nothing stays the same we are all part of the ebb and flow of life. Being happy with yourself is the best you can do. Finding someone that can bear it is a plus. :)
  • for me.. easily.
  • 6 years after my first love it still hurts to think about her. so i dont as much as possible. first 10 months was sheer hell, emotional break downs happened everyday.i remember thinking in the first week that this pain wont last forever but wondered how long it would take, took 18 months to get the more or less normal me back . i did not contact her once after we broke up, because thats what i thought was the right thing to do. i now believe i was wrong to do that (to many unanswerd questions). ive been with numerous women since but they loved me more than i could love them thru comparisons to the love i had felt for this one girl.everyone loves in different ways and every relationship is different and i dont believe anyone could understand the pain of your broken heart. love songs films books all try to provide answers but they never hold the silver bullet. i dont think time is the healer but what you do in that time to fade the pain is what can help, meet new people and find a different kind of love, i think the only answer is to fall in love again with someone new. something i had achieved but to nowhere near the same degree. the first is a permanent brand marked on your heart which fades but doesnt dissapear,thats my experience of it. but what will help you get over it is some type of closure and some answers, dont leave things wide open without explanation or a cause, thats what made things so much harder and took so much longer to heal for me.
  • There are some things in life that you never really get over. It's like a broken leg. It heals...but you will always limp just a little.
  • I don't think you always can. It really depends on how deep your love for the person was. I'm trying to fall out of love with someone and its so so hard, they live so far away and there's a big age gap, so it could basically never help. But knowing that doesn't change how I feel. So instead I try and do other things and surround myself with my friends, who I know love me, and who will try and help me get through this. But really only time can heal this wound, and I just have to wait and wait. Because hopefully someday I'll be over this boy and then I can move on. Until then it'll be really hard, I know that, and I've realised that more so reading all these answers, but that's life isn't it? It's just one of those things.
  • i think that time plays a part in the matter i ended up on this site because tonight i was just sitting at home on the computer when i started to do something as silly as it sounds that i didnt have the courage to do before and that was to delete my exs pictures and pictures of me and him that i had onto a piczo site that i really didnt do any work on sense me and him broke up i think that was one of the hardest things to do its been over a year sense me and this guy broke up and iv dated and had a relationship with another guy. sense him even tho i had another relationship and iv dated im still not over him because if i was i would not of cried so hard tonight when i deleted them i have tried to delete them pictures so many times and i couldnt and tonight it was hard no harder than any other time just this time i was ready because i beleive that time gives you strength. im still not out of love with him and i dont think there really is anyway to fall out of love with someone not completley and its really hard...i dont beleive anyone has ever or ever well be able to do when you truely love someone that is i wish i could stop hoping and beleiving me and him are going to be together again and as much as i know thats not going to happen i cant stop it.its werid because i think we were very much inlove and when i see him i feel like he is still inlove he said something to me one night when we were somewhere and even now until forever ill remember it:you can fall outt of a tree or over a edge but you cant fall out of love so from that i beleive noone can really fall out of love and forgetting isnt the answer because even tho the memorys hurt they are a learning experience and i cant explain it but if i knew what was going to happen before spending a year with him knowing i end up here on some site right now still thinking about him still hurting i still do it all over again
  • I wish I knew. I am in terrible pain because I know in my heart that the love of my life no longer feels that i am the love of his. I had so many dreams of a life with this man...if I could have built a man from the ground up, he would have been exactly like my boyfriend. We have been together 3.5 years and over the past six months I have felt him slipping away...the distance, the unavailability, the short temper...and the lying. I know the end is near...and it makes me so incredibly sad. I just want to turn off the feelings I have for him so I can let go. My dream has died.
  • Sometimes people grow and change and then they just realize that the person they are with is no longer compatible! Either that or just fake it until you make it by telling yourself that you DO NOT love him/her! LOL
  • Stay busy, hang out with family and friends, and take up some extra cirricular activities like sports teams, a class at the gym or what not.
  • I fell in love with him the very first day we were together. He suppose to give me a lift to the nearest station but we end up having dinner together. I felt that I have known him for ages. We went out together and we ended our relationship after 2 years as I moved to another country. We met again per chance after 2 years and fell in love again. Now after 7 years in contact,he has changed.End of last year, he called and said that he needs to move on but I will always be the love of his life. Then he start to ignore my calls and the calls are return after months. He wants out. I think he does not love me anymore. My mind could not comprehend this. How could you say that I am love of your life and then leave? Living in another country does not help. I will only see him when i do go home which is once every 2 years. I still feel the same for him, just like how i felt the first day. Why doesn't this feeling go away? I wish I can throw away this feeling like he did? Its just too painful.
  • Interesting answers. For those who logically want to analyze and process out of love, I doubt they have found the "love of their lives". If you find that one who gets you at your core, and it is reciprocated. You connect at many levels, but on the most important level, fidelity, you cannot connect. And thus it is wrong to bear out that love. Then you then acknowledge that love within you. Therefore, for me, from afar, I pray, hope and believe for that person. I want the best for them, to be at peace, to be happy...and yes selfishly I want them with me. I just give to continuosly give that last part up every day, and find ways to bear that pain. I dont expect this love I have to ever "wane" or "fade", but hopefully that ache will change to warmth. Much like grieving in death, we never stop loving dear ones after they die. "Falling out of love", is much like grieving after death. We find ways to love and remember differently after t hey have gone. And still maintain the hope that we will be connected to them some day, in some way.....again. I hope this helps.
  • You NEVER fall out of true love. so the question is, is this person someone you love..or are they maybe your TRUE LOVE? theres a difference.
  • I have tried too many times. Nothing works. I hate him, I love him. He hates me, he loves me. We don't hear from eachother for months, then we are in each others hair every day. It's frustrating...I don't know.I was married to this man for 17 years. We divorced. He moved on to another woman. Then another, then another, then another. But every one of them reminds him of me. So then it's back to me. I've done the same thing. Moved on, met other men, had wonderful relationships, but wen he and I got back together, it is fireworks. It is heaven. We fit together like the missing pieces in the puzzle. We finish each others sentences, we still love each other. We are addicted to each other. no matter what. So I have tried ignoring him. He has tried ignoring me. nothing works. we always end up contacting each other one way or another. I don't know. I have tried everything. The next resort will be to start drinking myself to death.Maybe that will help,....I don't know what's your suggestion.Gaellicgl3
  • Can't say. I've been trying for years to fall out of love with my exhusband. We've been divorced for too many years, and we both still manage to get back together occasionally. Can't figure it out. If you can find me a reason or a solution, try me. I'd love to fall out of love with the man. We've known eachother for 27 years. Maybe it's easier to stay in love with him than find a man that truly will love me the correct way... Then my question is what is the correct way to be loved? Lavished? maybe... It ain't the gifts it's the gestures.So if anyone has an answer, please, please find me one... thanks.
  • First thing you have to do... is ask for one more chance... even when you know there wont be one, even if you have to swallow your pride, you still have to ask in a way that will not leave any doubts whatsoever. Then: STEP ONE: ACCEPT Own your blame. Accept your blame. Be honest with yourself and look inside and see all the flaws that made this person fall out of love with you and accept these flaws. Accept the fact that this person does not love you and will never love you. It doesnt matter why. It doesnt matter that or if he did once. Do not fight it. Do not lament it. Do not be angry about it. Do not try to understand the reasons why. Just accept the fact that he does not love you and will never love you STEP TWO: CHANGE Improve yourself. Work on all those flaws that made him fall out of love with you. Analyze the qualities that he has that made you love him (and any other person you care about) and cultivate those qualities in yourself. When you love yourself you wont love someone that doesnt. Thats what i think will work for my anyways.
  • Its a natural thing that occurs, it can't be forced. However you can consciously decide not to act on your feelings.
  • i have tried being friends with the person im in love with and also stayed away from her,but either way it breaks my heart.i thinking i may have to move far away cuz all r friends and our families r connected. she is dating now,so am i even though i have no desire to.all i think about is what she is doing now and with who and it about kills me.i cant even escape when i'm sleeping i dream about her all the time.
  • I don't know how, but I do know it takes time.I'm in a bad situation and it's so hard for me to find a way out.See, we've dated before throughout a 9 or 10 year span, and now we meet again and we've been seriously talking for almost 4 months now.It's a lot more than before when we were occasionally dating, but the thing is he's in a relationship where he wants to get out of, but it's not happening.He paints me this beautiful picture, but no actions and he's the one I've always wanted to be with.What do I do?I love him so much and he's always saying that I'm gonna leave him like before.He's in a different city but not hours away and it's like everytime we see eachother or talk to eachother it's like we're hiding "us!"I hate the situation and I want to get away from him and not think about him anymore, but harder done than saying.I don't know what to do?
  • pray! pray! pray! and leave the rest to God.
  • Find your love "making love" to your best friend.
  • I'm just going through this now as my girlfriend just broke up with me. Man, the pain is sooo bad. Screwing my job up and everthing. Just not able to get a grip on things as keep going over and over what I should have done differently (pointless I know). Just a month ago she was talking about marriage, honeymoons moving in and telling me how she couldn't believe she had met someone where everything was so easy. We got on so well. I guess I held back on the feelings which upset her but once I told her how I really felt it ended 3weeks later! I always knew that with her there would almost be a power shift when I revealed how I felt about her and that is exactly what happened. She says she is sill in love with me but knows there won't be a long term future because of our different lifestyle...compromise seems foreign to her. I tried to get her to say she doesn't love me but she wouldn't and jsut kep citing problems which could easily have been put right. But she told me she is stubborn and can't back down. That leaves me with nothing but regret. Anyway, I'm just not sure I will find anyone again and feel everything is hopeless. More sleepless nights.
  • well im in the process of fighting with myself as to whether or not o try to fall out of love with my girlfriend. a comment above said to distance yourself and let someone fight for you. i realize that im the one fighting for a love that probably wouldnt hold up to the positive negative list. guess im not the one to ask but please keep posting...
  • i have one advice when someone hurts you, think about someone else contently i mean every time you think of the person just think of someone else's name and repeat it over and over again make someone up if you have to. after a while the name is all you will ever think about and it will become a habit to think of it when ever you see that person or think of that person's name. so then you will get your mind off that person and not think of him, trust me it really works thats how i got over my last boyfriend.
  • constant betrayal helps
  • once i fell in love with a hat. it flew straight off my head during the last tornado. my heart is still broken.
  • It's tough to fall out of love when one does not want too. Love is funny because it feels good to feel love. When we think of the person that we are in love with, a person can feel joy and hurt at the same time. Thinking of the person you love every moment and not being able to stop thinking about them can drive a person knuts..... I am thinking of him right now.. I feel happy when I think of him and than when I don't spend time with him I feel sad. The answer to fall out of love is time and distance. If the object of your affection returns in your life, you may fall in love again instantly. I just fell in love again with him. I missed him so much. Over the holidays I spent time with him and just melted everytime he hugged me or smiled at me. I love him so much... It took me a long time to get over him and the time and distance is what worked. The instant I spent time with him, the flood gates opened and I was once again under his control. When I think of him my heart feels so strongly and I smile thinking of him. He is not in love with me. I have to work at it again and put the distance and the time to get out of love. Good luck and remember it's better to love than to never love at all...
  • you cant destroy love, you just have to hope to create love elsewhere
  • My ex of 2 yrs and me broke up about 7 months ago.... during this period she saw a guy who knocked it on the head pretty soon into their relationship (about 3 weeks) after which she chose to move in next door to me which is totally insane as we were not going out! so after about a month of us being separated and me being still in love with her we got back together.... as seeing as she was next door and I couldnt stop thinking about her... for seeing her each day I thought I might as well.... however we broke up about 2 months ago again she broke my heart and within 4 days jumped into bed with another guy which devastated me as I had to hear them have sex on occasion when her window was open.... after 2 months of being single and finding myself ive met a girl who is prettier sexier and a real catch as in I piped like 3 guys to the post.... she lovely to me unlike my ex.... BUT and heres the Big But I still think we (my ex and I have feelings for one another... whenever she talks to my friends she boasts about her new bloke and how great he is.... knowing they will tell me and then boxing day and new years eve randomly rung me and then burst into my house to see how I was doing.... Im finding it really hard to understand whats going on as I still have feelings for her and think she might for me.... (please can someone tell me what they think) my new gf understands completely and is amazingly nice over it all but after 2 yrs I dont think I can drop my feelings although I wish I could.... im not being horrible to my current gf as I care about her an awful lot but with ure ex next door Im finding it so hard to move on especially when im unsure is she still has feelings for me..... this seems like a mad situation I know but I suppose I want outside advice on what to do! my answer to the question would be to avoid all contact as it does help but with me and this madness I cant!
  • I had a long distance relationship. We saw each other about twice a month, everything was perfect.. We shared our love and thoughts all the time. Constantly saying, yes, i do love you, and this is real. 2 years 7 months later, i get a disturbing selection of calls and texts and up front speech of how she just "fell out of love, her feelings changed". I am broken, to pieces, torn away from everything that was anything to me. Yes I am 19 and young, she is 18 and young. But these years were unforgettable and rich in love. She elogantly puts it as "just move on, i don't love you anymore, it's over". But i have ticked all the boxes that signify true love. I found out why I cannot stop loving her: -Love is patient, love is kind. -It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. -It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. -It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. -Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. -It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -Love never fails. I guess the answer is that she never loved me truly. But what do you do when you truly love her but she says she'll never love again. P.S, she broke up with me over Xmas 2007.
  • i'm also going through this now after my girlfriend dumped me. at first i was numb, then angry, then real angry for 2 months. last weekend i thought i could play it like jesus and be all enlightened... that lasted about 3 hours. i feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown, i am shattered with jealousy since she left me some other guy, i hate myself, i feel hopeless, like a real failure - especially cos I was a good guy in the relationship and it was she that screwed up, sleeping around and being harsh to me. when i did my jesus impersonation and tried to talk to her all cool, she came across as patronising and "too caring", so now i resent her for being powerful over me, like a mother when i was a kid. it makes it worse that she's happy in life! i feel like such an idiot, so selfish, and i hate her for rejecting me, even though I "love" her. i just can't understand or accept that she dumped me. so, how to get out of it? i may never fully get out of it but i am young and will love someone else again one day, er, i guess. i have to be patient. i have to grieve, accept the reality of the situation and reorganise my life, day by day, breath by breath. i do want her to stay in my life, but on the sidelines, as a friend if possible. she left a good legacy in my life, i can't deny that, although other stuff was bad. i'm not as extreme as some of you guys in this respect. i don;t want to throw it all away. otherwise, there's not much else to say. there's no silver bullet.
  • I don't think it is completely possible.
  • I am still searching for the "how to".. my situation is as different as most. I was the "older woman", an American citizan, who met a "younger man", Canadian citizan, on line through a means of work. We grew close as we chatted, personally and professionally. I did not know his age, nor what he looked like. We connected like you dream of! Finally, we exchanged photos/age and it did not seem to matter. We met, it was like heaven, he came to stay with me on a travel visa, and of course, we had our ups and downs. I have children, and an exhubbie, and he had controlling parents back in Canada. As the holidays approached, his parents became ill, and I supported him going home to help. He did. Well, due to a broken promise, he ended things, 3 days later. Of course, I feel it was planned, and now, definitely feel the power of parents playing a role in his return to CA. My children fell in love with him, he became part of our family, even the ex liked him. We are still associated with the business on line, but I am drifting away from it, as the pain is too great to hear him there and feel his presence. One day, we are friends, the next, he is mad for some reason or another. I have to let go, and it is hard, but reading responses here has been a great help. Thanks!
  • you see im in a dilemma...im in love with my best friend and roommate...so falling out of love is just not possible right now. But I am in fact trying, its hard though because she loves me, but maybe shes not in love with me. Its also complicated because we are both girls, I know Im gay, but she doesnt want to be. It kills me and breaks my heart everyday when I see her and I know that she is probably going to end up with a guy. Its a crazy situation, I dont know how im ever going to get over it, but I know deep down eventually I will (hopefully.
  • Fall in love with someone else. Or, if that's not possible, something else. Trust me. It's that simple.
  • usually with alot of help from the other person. Lying and not being responsible would do it
  • I met someone online. We corresponded for several months, and then decided to meet for a long weekend in a third city. The bottom line is this: I fell for her, and she didn't for me, and told me so. We were intimate, all weekend. But she wanted to continue to be friends online. And after she returned home, she would IM me once in a while and email me. But she began to be frank about going out, she was dumped by one guy, liked another, and finally told me she met someone she really liked. At that point, I told her it would be probably best if I just kind of remove myself from the picture. I know she didn't like it --- but what is a guy to do? My heart still aches for her. Sometimes I wish I hadn't said that -- we haven't had any contact now for several days --- but she told me she is never going to be more than a friend, and so it was time for me to cut the cord.
  • I dont think you can. I think if you truly loved that person, you will never stop loving them. One day you might meet someone else and fall in love with them and forget about that other person or not think of them quite as often. But then the day you see them again no matter how long it has been, all those feelings come rushing back. Believe me, I know! Dealing with this right now!
  • I just got out of my relationship a couple it was about three and a half years. It was great at first but then it got shitty and the shitty part was mosty his fault. Now he swears he is gonna change. The odd part about this statement is that I know its true. But the thing is . After all the crap he put me through I don't know if I evenwant him anymore... All this stupid crap in the relationship trying to get even with one another...tore us apart....sometimes I still wish I could forgive him. Mostly Im pissed at him for being dumb and ruining our love
  • I have this guy for 5yrs now. We studied together in grad school. I fell in love with him and confessed. he was not ready and wanted some time to settle. so i wait for him for 3 yrs to make his decision. and then we had a massive argument and he said he did not want to marry me. It was extremely painful..and after much aching and sleepless nights..i was begingin to get hold of my life. my parents hooked me up a their friends son..i was only dating him...when my ex-bf came back to propose to me. he even flew all the way to see my parents. i thought he was serious about the whole thing ...so i accepted...but things were not so rosy.....we loved each other so much ..but we also fought a lot..till agian we had a big argument and we broke up... after many month now iam about to marry someone else...but my heart still loves my ex-bf and iam not sure i want to go ahead with this marriage.... iam os confused...i do not want my current fiance to get hurt because of what i feel..but if i married him i would be living a lie and my entire life would be a pretense..
  • I'm in love with my best friend. We've been friends for more than 10 yeas. We do everything together. She's just the other half of mine,and I'm hers but she just can't see it. She loves me but I guess as a best friend and nothing else. We flirt a lot everyday, still she just can't see it. I want to tell her everything, but I'm too afraid that she will freak out. And I just can't stand being her friend anymore, listening about the crashes she has on guys, seing her dancing with other people, and pretend I'm kool,while I'm dying inside. I cannot breath at the thought of her with someone else. That's not healthy. I'm almost depressed by now, and I cannot talk about it with my best friend, cause she's the one. The only thing I must do is fall out of love with her. But HOW can I do that when I see her everyday? She lives right next to me. We have the same friends. All I know how to do is being around her. All of our lives we're together. Either I fall out of love with her either I have to admit everything. If only I could just live and run somewhere else alone, where I don't have to see her everyday.
  • I honestly don't know. I met this wonderful, bright, intelligent, sexy, vivacious girl and I messed it all being too interested in things like...oh, I dunno...keeping a roof over my head for me and my son, arguing about things she knew little about, and apparently insulting her for telling her she can't "read" me as well as she thinks she can. Well, all I can tell you is this......it doesn't go away. Ok, look at it this way. Look at it like a word problem, X is the amount of time you took to fall in love, have problems and become emotionally distraught. "A" is the state that you were in prior to meeting this person. And "Y" is how long it takes you to come to terms with losing that person.....so, X+Y = A. Y'see, you don't really grow as a person really until you get back to the point you were at prior to that person being in your life. Then you can move on. Ask anyone who's spent more then 3 or 4 years in jail. You're the same person you were emotionally when you went into jail as you were when you got out. Not that you don't learn from your mistakes or anything like that. The same is with love. Meditation helps. Think of your heart like a container and you're scooping all feeling for this person out. Your lust, anger, love, devotion, concern....scoop it all out. Leaving the hate is never a good substitute because it means you still care. And isn't not caring what this all about? I'm going thru the same thing and sometimes I can get that sexy, vivacious and utterly crazy person out of my head. Sometimes I can't and I'm left wondering how come she believes every thing I said was a lie when I NEVER LIED TO HER!!!!! But, I'm learning to find what makes me happy. Her contradicting, self-righteous ass doesn't determine my self-worth. Think of things in that way.
  • you dont fall out of love, you just have to love someone else atleast thats the saying
  • I've been married for more than 20 years and have 3 kids. In the past 5 months my husband would say he does not love me one day and love me the next. This went on for the first 4 months until the situation became worse and the "he did not love me state stayed on". He even told me that if I cannot stand him anymore I can leave him already. I tried to make things work. I was emotionally battered. My self esteem hit rock bottom. When I told him I was leaving him, he told me he did not want me to leave for the sake of our kids, but in the meantime I will support our family financially (as he had enormous financial problems), also in the meantime he said he will do his own thing and I can do mine. Finally I decided to leave him with my kids. We are now apart for 2 mons. When we left he even sent me hurtful messages, telling me I was immature for leaving and not resolving the issues by ourselves. Anyway, my kids and I are ok, I am trying to move on but I tell you despite everything he has done and said I still love him. I try to make myself busy but the loneliness attacks wont go away. All the advices are good and true. It wont be easy. I dont reply to his messages. I live my life one day at a time. Be patient. Let the loneliness flow, accept that it's natural. Pray for stength. I sometimes wish we can fall out of love that easy. Actually we should not wish for it. Like they say be careful what we wish for. Instead try to divert that love to yourself, yes! love yourself. Only time will tell.
  • Its not easy to fall out of "TRUE LOVE". And if and when it happens. It happens slowly over time. For like the old saying goes. Only time can heal the a broken heart..........................M.C.S.
  • Most of us (INCLUDING ME) who are writing here, are in pain because the love of our lives fell out of love with us. Meaning falling out of love is possible because they did (at least most did). And here we are still wondering if it's possible? I know it's not fair, what is? Love is like an addiction, when one pulls away you get withdrawal symptoms, the longer the relationship the longer the withdrawal period (my relationship lasted 20 years ;(. We have to be patient and be strong while waiting. We cannot hurry things. We have to keep ourselves busy so we wont be wasting precious time while waiting. For now, all we can do is accept whatever comes our way. Pain? Shove it off everytime you can. Let's just pray for the best. Keep the faith. Let's pray too, that IF and WHEN that time comes that the love of our lives will go back to us, we haven't fallen out of love with them. :)
  • I dont know, I dont think it is possible unless something goes horribly wrong like they murder your parents or something. I cant ever imagine falling out of love with those that I fell in love with, and i dont think that i would want to either.
  • My wife of 15 years has left the kids and me for someone she has met, after 3 weeks of seeing this guy in the bar and watching fires together she has moved in with him. Leaving a 5800 sft brand new house I just built her (she says we built it to make her feel better). This guy is around 60, no education, and people I've talked to said he was at his peak in high school. She says she doen't love anyone right now, so my point is, to fall out of love with someone you must have to sleep and have sex with another. Did I mention that I got her to a pysch, whose diagnosis is bipolar. This whole thing was totally out of the blue, to the kids and me. Fall out of love-sleep with someone else.
  • Do YOU think it was love? RK
  • I thought it was, and I suppose she did to she was happy about the new home and the kids. I believe there is something behind her fascade. She is now as cold as ice, of course her new interest could have something to do with that. Living in a one bedroom house, that is not very nice compared to a 5800 sq foot home that she helped design and build. Come on, I almost think she is a sociopath besides the other mental health issues that she has. She has started in my eyes to cycle quicker as time goes on. To answer did I think it was love, if it wasn't she is one hell of a faker.
  • When there are more things I dislike, than what I love'D
  • I don't believe it is possible to fall out of love. I just lost my wife of 2.75 years who was my only friend of 7 years 2 weeks ago. She moved out and has been doing whatever she wants when she wants since, which is really hard to deal with because it seems she's actually happier than i ever made her. I wasn't the best husband or friend, but she refused to tell me when she was unhappy, so how was i supposed to know? The thing is i agree that we had ALOT of issues, and there are better suited people out there for either of us. I just know love is stronger than anything else, it's sometimes mistreated, but strong never the less. Life goes on..... whatever is meant to be will be......... and all that other stuff. No matter what the outcome, you never stop loving them. If you think it is possible....you never loved them or you are hiding it really far back in your mind. I've been heartbroken before,(although in comparison to this it was only puppy love) it always hurts. For the sake of my sanity i hope i'm wrong, because as much as i love her, i've got many years of pain ahead if i'm right. Life does go on, memories fade, and people change, but love is the only thing we have that remains unconditional. Think about it, the pain may be great, the circumstance may be unbearable, but would you really want to know that it could be controlled? That you could turn it on and off? I thought my job was permanent....After 16 years the company went belly up due to lack of sales. I thought my marriage was permanent..... a month after losing my job i lost the love of my life. It takes alot to make it through the day without bad ideas taking over, but the only thing that keeps me going is that love has to be permanent,(just expandable) or else this whole world is a fallacy. The worse part of loving someone is being locked inside your head with nothing but questions. Time....that's the problem, and it seems the only solution, but if it doesn't kill us it makes us stronger right? IDK thank's for the release.
  • learn to unlearn the emotions.... our heart is the most decietful part of our body and soul... the battle is on our heads, we are constantly swayed by the emotions that are unbearable.. but day by day, lean on the the greatest Lover that most of us doesn't know... it's Jesus who continually pursue us to have the most intimate relationship we can ever had.. He loved us first, even we are running away from Him, He loved us first when He spread His arms at the cross 2,000 years ago... He's just waiting for you, browse your Holy Bible, and be comforted with His immeasurable Love for us.. God Bless you.
  • sleep with someone else
  • You should give up all hope about winning them back. While you still have hope you cannot move on. Another good tip is too make new friends or get a new hobby. This article gives very good advice on how to fall out of love: http://www.socialsecrets.net/fallingoutoflove.html
  • I think that you fall out of love when the relationship doesnt flow naturally anymore. my ex said that it seems like the relationship turned into a project that we had to keep working on. Fighting caused us to both fall off and Ive hopped back on the wagon, while he said he's been trying, but just cant.He loves me and cares about me, but he says he just Isnt IN LOVE with me anymore. He said he doesnt see the relationship aspect anymore, and wants a friendship. Its so frustrating because I cant change his feelings, its internal. I think that with a little time, we can both break down our feelings for each other and start to build back up. But at the same time im scared to even have the slightest bit of hope that we can be ok again.
  • i've never been in love so i wouldn't know personally, but i could imagine that it would have to do with lack of communication, intimacy and attraction. thats what i keep hearing anyway. sounds painful.
  • when one loses respect for their partner.

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