It could work, from my personal experience, if you are willing to take your time and energy to this person for awhile, by listening to them talk about their ex, getting it off their chest, this way you could use it to get closer to this person. But the thing is, what are you looking for? chances are if this person is leading you on, off the rebound, then they dont know what they are lookin for! obviously, chances for a long term relationship is rare in this regard, and many other factors/stressors!! Part of the answer to this question is, each person has to figure out what life is and what life has to offer, if you want a life long honorable relationship

Some do and some don't. For those that don't, I imagine it is because the person rebounding has not allowed themselves sufficient time to get over their breakup before moving on to the next relationship.

A variety of person's core issues will be drawn to the surface in any intimate relationship, but many of these issues are never truly resolved. Someone on the rebound has either chosen to leave a relationship, unwilling to face and work through deeply rooted issues, and possibly blaming only the other person, or they have been forced out of the relationship. Again their issues were never resolved. One on the rebound may chose someone very opposite of the prior partner, as if they had "truly learned" the former partner was an unhealthy choice for them, but in the majority of cases this choice of a new type of person as a partner is short-lived. It can also virtually be predicted depending on the differences with the former partner. If a rebounder chooses someone like the former partner, there will usually be way too much comparison and confusion as they project old memories onto the new partner. The new partner ultimately will not feel truly appreciated. There is a effective way for people who have rebounded (willingly or unwillingly) to process the issues of the former relationship, and so avoid infecting a new relationship which will most likely fail and/or be discarded shortly anyway. People should be very careful not to assume the best about the possibility of a successful relationship with someone who is on the rebound. Such a relationship will require someone to do a lot of dying to self, and sadly someone on the rebound is probably not as good as doing that as they think. A rebounder needs a safe and truthful confidant, not another partner, and such a confidant should not plan on becoming the future partner.

Rebound relationships do not work because the person rebounding has a need for you, not a want. Once he/she has what they need, then they start shopping around for what they really want.

Rebound relationships are a replacement for what was lost. More often than not, once the person is over the break up that initiated a re bound relationship, the re bound relationship will fail simply because it was used as an emotional crutch. Rebound relationships are too needy, and too heavily loaded with emotional baggage.This overburdens the relationship and can often lead to collapse.

Its kind of like second best, instead of first. the yellow ribbon, instead of the blue. people, on the rebound from a bad relationship, are bouncers. they bounce from one person to another, hoping to find a replacement for someone they lost. in their everending search, success is not very often. once you had it, then you lost it, now you want it back again. too many bouncers. its like a small spin-off tornado from the main tornado.....only second best. rebounds don't work, because the interest is just not there. you had it, you lost it, and bouncing back with another bouncer......just does not .........BOUNCE!

Rebound relationships usally never work because the heartbroken person (rebounder) is mostly concerned with healing themself. The rebounder will find anybody who they are somewhat attracted to just to help them get over their grief. Once the rebounder is healed, he or she usually wants to start fresh with somebody new who they are much more attracted to and who knows little about them. It should also be noted that a rebounder who is still in love may also seek somebody new as a way to make their former lover jealous. Once the former lover shows a renewed interest in the relationship, the rebounder almost always dumps the new lover.

they don't work cause ppl are not being honest with emotions or with themselves and sooner or later like the chameleon , you'll see the persons true colours....most times it is merely convient or the fact the person is afraid of being lonely....loneliness makes human beings do silly things.think with your heart listen to your intuition and do not second guess yourself orlet your mind cloud what your body is telling you.

I have been both on the rebound and am currently in a rebound relationship with a soon to be divorced man that has been ongoing for 14 months. First of all...It is difficult...but what is interesting is the time I "was" the rebound person, the relationship turned into a 15 year committment. The person who supported me, gave me plenty of space, care, and never tried to force me to do anything...after two years of recovering from my 17 year relationship, I fell in love with the man who had supported me...had he not been patient, constant, caring and supportive I am sure I would have found someone else...but he hung in there and it was a great relationship. I am now in the position of being the support person, and am trying to use the skills I saw from the man who originally was there for me... with the man I am currently with. I have given him space while his divorce is finalized and his house is sold....I miss him, and we have agreed to see each other only as friends for an occassional dinner when we agree to...(we also live 2 hours apart)...it has been difficult...but he is a valuable person to me...I am not sure of our future...if we have one or not...but it is worth it to me to see this thing through...we are both in our early 50's so we are not kids...Patience, caring...and an ability to not let yourself be blinded by the fact it may only be temporary...I have the desire to let myself fall in love with him...but have put it on the back burner until he becomes truly emotionally available to me...It takes a great deal of skill to maneuver through this...but I enjoy a challenge...Love can do strange things...there are no guarantees in any relationship...even marriage as we know...

The person rebounding has a tendency not to "be themself." It's like going to a party- do you think the people there are baring their souls? Somebody rebounding tends to look for the sort of fun they might find at a party- not the deep work involved in a "serious" relationship.

Sometimes they do...

Because using a person to get over another is not the right way to get off to a good start with them. People tend to talk alot about their exes when they aren't over them, even if the comments are negative the one who is the reboundee can feel like the rebounder has their ex on their mind just a little too much. There tends to also be alot of coparisons in the rebounders mind of the ex to the reboundee. Weather or not they voice these comparisons, the person who is basically being used can tell that the rebounder has something and someone else on their mind.

My friend is in a rebound relationship. He said it might not last cause they are always fighting and she is not a friend to him cause they don't have anything in common.

Because you don't have a stable foundation yet and you cannot build anything solid without stability.

Because they started before one of you was finished with the last relationship. It's like trying to make a new dress with parts from the last dress you made. You can't add an extra sleeve, or a different print, to the new dress. It smacks of the old one. It won't FIT right. Finsih what you start. THEN find someone new.

Because most of the time, the rebounder is still in love with his/her ex and is just using you to try to get over them. They will either a. move on to someone else once they are over the ex, or b. Go back and try to work it out with the ex.

You're seeking what you lost - comfort, laughter, an arm to hold you, a hand to squeeze, a phone to text at midnight when you think of something funny. That person could be a thief, a crackhead, a cheater; but you only see what they give you - how they distract you from (not heal) your pain.

It's rare, but they can work. I met my fiance just a few days after he'd left his ex.. and we are getting married in October -- and neither of us has ever been happier.

I just got out of one two weeks ago, and as i think about it,we should of been friends first, We were together for 5 months, and she could never stop talking about her exes, and you know, the things her exes did or said to her. that stuff, but she had a lot of baggage. to me it was workable, but she said she needed more time to get over this emotional roller coaster and that she is not ready for a another relationship right now. to make a long story short,"Bad Timing". (Everyone,Take all the time you need) To live again.

My ex boyfriend and I technicaly broke up in late June 2007, but were still seeing each other almost every weekend, (and still sleeping together soley), until Thanksgiving break, when he went on vacation to visit his family. We were like best friends up until then. His older sister, (who had always hated me), hooked him up with a new girlfriend, and when he came back, he blew me off completely--as a friend, too. I saw a picture of her, and I don't understand what he sees in her. But, I also know that we were still very close up until he left for that trip. I know he still had feelings for me, because you could just tell...Anyway, we didn't see each other for a month. Then, I came over to visit him, and one thing lead to another. He cheated on his new girlfriend, (long distance, out of state relationship), with me! He admitted that he was still more attracted to me and that the sex with me was the best he ever had. But, I knew he was still going to keep it going with her, just because it had already started. (By the way, I failed to mention that I was his first love/girlfriend/first kiss/everything). We left things with that we were still going to be friends, and everything seemed cool. I saw him again one month later, and this time he told me he didn't think we should "hang out" anymore. I was hurt, but I accepted that and left. I told him I was sorry for what had happened. As I was leaving, I realized I had forgotten something. So, I went back in the house. I saw him on the couch crying. I was shocked. I asked him why he was so upset, and he said, "I just want to forget". This proves to me that he DID still have feelings for me, and that his rebound relationship has not fully taken away the feelings he has. Him not wanting to see me anymore proves that rebound relationships are just a temporary fix to get over the REAL relationship...Why else would he be crying??? That proves he still had feelings for me. But, obviously I can do nothing about it, so I will move on. I just think he's fooling himself with this new stranger, and I won't be surprised to hear from him eventually, wanting to "hang out" again...Yes, this really hurts. I hope he learns his lesson!

My ex is rebounding as we speak. He left me because he is an alcoholic & although aside from that we had a very loving & affectionate relationship & I still love him very much & I believe he still does love me. He basically chose the booze over me because he was & is in denial & has no intentions of quitting his drinking & since I could not deal with it anymore he walked. He is now with a married woman who has left her husband for my ex but she is not in a living situation with him so she has NO clue what is coming in her future. My ex can be very convincing & quite the romantic so I imagine that was what was lacking in her relationship so she is not looking at the BIG picture but, she will find out soon enough & unless she is super needy or he stops drinking that relationship will not last. He is still in contact with me & tells me he loves me so I know that his feelings for her are not genuine. He tells me she has no problem with his drinking but, I surmize that she is either blind or does not realize how bad it can get or that once they are living together he will slow down his drinking. I have told my ex that of course she doesn't say anything about his drinking because she is still married & really doesn't have the right to put demands on him just yet. He can be quite convincing in the beginning also. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that yes he liked to drink but, was not a drunk or anything like that. Being I was naive about alcoholics I believed him & fell head over heels for him & now 4 yrs. later left alone in devestation. My point is- if anyone is seeing someone on the rebound they better do their homework before falling for that person because you never know what awaits you down the road.

Because you don't take the time to get over your ex before you jump right into another relationship. You do it just so you have SOMETHING or SOMEONE, because going from a long term relationship to absolutely nothing is too hard for most people. You keep up these expectations of your ex and expect this new person to fill their shoes and be what they were to you. Being with someone just to fill the void of your ex will cause you to overlook all the good qualities this new person may have. So in most cases either you realize this rebound is never going to be your ex and end it (usually after it goes on for way too long), or the new person realizes what you're trying to do and ends it. I wish more people were strong enough to get over their exes and be alone for a while before trying to heal their pain with another relationship... would have saved me a lot of pain, that's for sure.

They won't work because the rebounder is trying to avoid the pain of the breakup. They just want someone to fill in the gap. Whatever the reboundee does, it will never be good enough for the rebounder. Currently, I'm in the situation where a guy is trying to rebound on me. It's a rather difficult situation because I've always liked him. The fact that I see him in a weak phase of his life doesn't make him love him less but I'm pushing him away. One must heal before getting in a new relationship. Imagine you've wounded your palm this morning at eight. Can you go wightlifting at noon? No! You must give your hand time to heal correctly if you don't wanna open the wound again and bleed all over the place. In the rebounding relationship, the palm is the heart of the rebounder, the blood sympolizes the pain and 'bleeding all over the place' means making the reboundee feeling miserablle.

Acting in anger or frustration is irrational. Once the anger or fear wanes, our needs and agenda mature change also. Acting impulsively is ill advised, and impetuosity is usually quickly regretted. Better to be calm and take time to think and consider. Fear of missing what appears a golden opportunity but latterly becomes a grave mistake. It is generally unwise to make life transforming decisions in haste.

Because sometimes in life, you have to make the first shot to win.

I was divorced from an 11 year relationship and instantly persued by another man, someone who provided for me what my husband never did. However, I was out of my mind with grief from my divorce even though I was the one who did the final blow to the marriage. The rebound relationship lasted almost 3 years... 3 years of ups and downs and fighting and crying and pain. Now he is done with me and blames me... even though I tried to brake away so many times, i was weak and he wouldn't let me have my time. I have been alone for only a little while now and realize how much I did do to him and how much I hurt him... I love him deeply - how can I make it right? Can we actually ever work or is it a lost cause? If I had met him when I was well, we would have had a beautiful relationship. I feel like I have been shown what I want but because I wasn't ready, I will never get it now. Please advise!!!

If you are in a long relationship, you might not be used to being alone & try to fill that emptiness w/ anyone. Most times, it's w/ someone who you are not compatible with. Plus you are still not over the other person & cannot devote yourself completely. It's really selfish to get involved w/ someone when you are on the rebound because the new person you are w/ winds up getting hurt.

It's not ment to work. They're there just to filter out feelings of the old relationship so we can move on. I would never even attempt to pursue a long term thing with rebounds.

I just got out of being used by a rebounder, and people...it is NOT worth it. I sure wish I knew more and had read up about it before getting so attached. It only lasted 3 months, but at the speed things were moving and amount of companionship we were showing each other, on my end it just felt so right. I wasn't too familiar with rebound relationships though and little did i know I was just a substitute to her ex, picking up where they left off. I was being used toward how she wanted to feel with her ex. She was already sleeping over regularly on the weekends, and we were already making plans for the entire summer. It all went down hill once we finally slept together because I think it then hit her she needed her ex back. It was 2 days later she broke up with me out of the blue saying she hung out, messed around with and is still in love with her ex. The next day I was completely deleted out of her life. I got pictures of both of us from social sites deleted, instantly removed as a friend off her facebook/myspace, and my number blocked. I dont NOT recommend ever getting into a relationship with someone who could be a rebounder. This is a pain that I never want to feel again. After only 3 months because of how fast things were moving and how close she let me into her life I thought maybe 'this was it'. Then in the span of 2 days, I was cut out of her life cold turkey and shes back with her ex and im the furthest thing from her mind. Now im left here picking up the pieces.

Most people get someone new because they don't want to be alone or they haven't fully dealt with how things ended or even if things should have ended with the last person. It's not fair to you or the new person if things aren't fully resolved with the last relationship. Take the time to see if you should really be ending things in the first place. Most people try to just walk away after giving minimal effort to work it out. If you think you might want to give someone a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc chance, why not become friends with them after the breakup so that you can see 1st hand if they are changing or going back to their old ways. You don't have to be best friends, and it might take some time, but it's better than jumping in to soomething new and hurting someone else like you were hurt.

They don't work because you end up playing the role of what I'd call a "placekeeper";someone to fill the void but probably just keeping the place until he finds what he really wants. I don't think that it's good for one's ego to do that type of charity work. The person is there mentally 100% for you and may never be. I just ended a three month relationship with a guy on the rebound who apparently needed longer than 5 months to get over his ex who moved far away to "see other people" I definitely will ask pointedly when dating from now on if my date has recently broken up from a relationship or has any ties to former partners. If answer is in the affirmative, I'll head for the hills and go do charity work for the homeless or some other productive cause and leave the caretaking of a rebounder to someone else. A few things I've noticed with rebounders: 1. Your date's abode seems to have an air of being stopped in time and has a museum-like quality (keeps it like the day he/she left) 2. There are photos around of the two of them 3. Your date uses a reverant tone when mentioning the ex 4. They still own some joint property 5. There are excuses to keep contact with ex ("emergencies") 6. Your date volunteers to work excessive hours at work (filling time to avoid being alone) 7. Your dates have a planned quality to them.

pregnant by rebound relationship

Because when you rebound, you really don't like that person as much as you say you do, you are just using them to get over the person who you were just with.

I am currently in a rebound relationship and I am the rebounder! I didn't think I was. I was divorced for only a few months and we met online. We matched perfectly. I thought I had found my soulmate but now I realize that she has helped me heal and believe in myself again, but I don't want to marry her. I feel horrible. I never meant for this to happen. I just don't feel real love for her and I don't want to make a marraige mistake again. Ok, here is the real problem. She and her kids moved in with me this summer! I really thought it was real. I have thought about this for at least a month, and know that this relationship will not likely grow. I also have had issues with my kids visitation. I want to end the relationship but not sure how. I can't kick her out. She was in debt when I met her and I have helped her by letting her move in. I am thinking of getting an apartment and having her rent my house from me. Help?

Still carrying baggage from a previous relationship, them forcing your new girl/guy to deal with it is never a good thing. Plus, there's always the chance that you don't really like the one you're with and are only using them as a replacement.

rebound relationships dont work because the person on the rebound will not spend the time getting to know the new person its more about who is available to fill the shoes and role of the last person that they have just left.

Because you will always be treated as second place.

because using people to get over people is like using one drug to get over another. also the need to control my feelings and my destiny is truly insane...also hurt people hurt people all the time. also holding to resenments bitterness anger hurt only hurts you ......it,s like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies....taking time to heal is the key for me.

Well i going threw a Break up, with my Ex bf and he met this girl he call himself dating only less then a 1month ago. And now hes living with her. I know hes confused and i know i hurt him in so many ways. We just broke up like a lil over 3 weeks but last week he was still spending nites @ my apt with me. He even Stalked the hell out of me last Monday and slept outside of my apt. So now he has moved in with this new chic that he knows nothing about. Can anyone help me out here?? Hes living 1 hour away from me now!!! Its crazy.

I really glad I came to this section of answerbag. I have JUST broken up with someone after 2 years and he moved out. When times get lonely and you want comfort, it does cross your mind... and you panic and try and fill the empty space as quick as possible. But it doesn't work in the end and your unfulfilled. I has gone through my mind, thats why I'm glad I'm here, to remind me how horrid it is for another person. Also feel a little more at peace that if my ex does it, it will only be out of weakness, which is a little pathetic. :-)

so, word of advice, dont get into a rebound relationship, because you are hurting the one you once loved deeply, the reboundee who trusted you, and yourself. this is something that benefits no one. just move on and love yourself more before you love someone else, which i'm doing right now. dont rush.

My ex was with me 5 years when I caught him cheating, I wsa sick of his lying and cheating anyway, and then I caught him cheating and broke up with him. I was sick of his verbal abuse and his yelling at me. He got with this other girl without missing a beat, while we were still together he was talking to her behind my back, he had sex with her the same night we broke up, which said to me he was unhappy anyway. After we broke up, he said "this is not what I wanted, it isn't", he even told me he did not want to break up. Now he is married to this person, they got married only 1 month after they met. The day after my mom died, he married her, and on the day of my mother's funeral, this witch signed a warrant on me for taking her car keys out of her car when I caught her at his house in the middle of the night. She got the keys back, but she signed the warrant in spite. I have texted them both and told them to "good luck and farewell." I did go to court and the judge ended up making her pay the court costs that day. I recently sent a letter to his mother and grandmother and basically told them I was moving on, I told them I had enough and was going to have to accept that he had moved on, then I got a phone call from him and he kept me on the phone for over an hour. Talking about his wife and blah-blah-blah, asking me if I knew the guys she was talking to. I could not believe he would even ask me things like that, but then it dawned on me that he was just trying to get information out of me, but I could have been wrong. I was so confused by his shannanigans at that point, I found it hard to know or believe anything from him anymore. I do still love him but I have told him I would never take him back, because every time I turn around he is calling me and saying it is over and he would never take me back. But yet he still has the old cell phone we shared together. He said he is sending that back, it is the only thing connecting us right now, but he still has not sent it. I think he is keeping it because he wants to get back with me, and he knows that is his only connection to me. What do you all think? Why would he still be nice to me after all we have been through and why the hell did he marry her? She has two kids and does not work, he is paying all the bills in that house, while she lays on her butt and sleeps every morning. Even causing him to be late for work most days, over an hour late recently and caused his boss to be an hour late for a job he was supposed to be starting that day. She has done this numerous times and she is lazy, she refused to get a job. She is a real piece of crap. He has already had to pawn the title to his truck to keep things going around the house, while she lays on her fat butt and sleeps. Think that will last? His mother and stepfather can not stand this woman, if you care to call her that, and she was on the internet llooking for someone to come in and pay her bills when she met him. Why does he stay in that? I think it is because he thinks he is happy, he even told some people she is his soul mate. I do not see this working. I was always quick to do things for us as a couple. She takes the money she gets for her kids and spends it on her fat butt, while my ex pays all the regular bills in that house! She is PATHETIC! It makes me mad that I lost my true love to someone like that! I want it to end, even if he and I never get back together!! She is a pathetic excuse for a wife, and she keeps saying that wife word to try and piss me off. It really makes me laugh because she is trash and unworthy of being called anyone's 'wife'. Yeah, I am jealous, but do you all think that is going to last?

Because I have been on the receiving end of a 'rebounder' twice now and have finally learnt my lesson. It is so painful finally realising you were being used, even if the rebounder themselves truly believed at the time that you were just what they had been looking for all their lives...they are only fooling themselves as well as you. The pace they go into the relationship is fast, telephoning every night, texting several times a day, wanting to spend all their time with you. In retrospect, that is because they are filling a gap and they were used to doing all of this with the ex..now there is a huge void for them to fill...painful nights spent alone...nobody to text funny experiences to ...or share things with and you ... I'm afraid... are the replacement. In theory ...you are second best... sure...they may promise you a future together..even believing it themselves cuz they are swept along with this fantasy that stops them from being alone and hurt or recognising their faults in that breakup. Once you have been there for them, listened to them, restored their confidence both in and out of bed, boosted their self esteem and made them feel good about themselves again they will almost certainly either go back to the ex (the one that they swore they no longer wanted), forgetting you completely and leaving you with the same void from this whirlwind romance that they experienced, or move on to someone else. Sorry if I sound a little negative but I'm trying to stop you making the same mistakes. Unless you can go into it with this in mind and without getting too involved...avoid it at all costs. .....If you wanted to be a relationship counsellor or a sex therapist then you would have got paid for it!! ...Believe me....do yourself a favour.....You deserve better!!

It is more the fulfillment of comfort, rather than the sincere love and appreciation of the other. This can be conscious or it can be unconscious. A person can't be fully present in the present relationship when the one that ended still smarts.

Because you need time out to grieve, find yourself again, love yourself before you can love someone new

The answers and comments I've read are all very much right on the money. I just recently had a 4 year relationship end and have decided to spend the next year in therapy getting my head together. My ex started dating a month after we split up, 5 months ago, and is already on her 4th "boyfriend", or as I call them human painkillers. It is sad to watch, as each one only seems to confuse her issues even more. She has picked cheaters, drunks and womanizers since we broke up....pretty crazy, glad I'm taking the time to heal in a healthy way. I suggest everyone take 6- 12 months of healing time, ALONE..

my wife & i had just started haveing problem's in are marrige then she ask for spac so i give her some spac then the naxt thing i know she tellint be that she just cant do it right now i told her i know im spoust to just for a get about every thing about us she told me ya for now & right now see seeing some one ells

I met a girl back in Aug2008 who I can say I love. Lasted till Nov as she got back with her ex. She kept on txting and in Dec-Jan she started panicking as she realised that she wanted somebody who cares, loves and treats her well ( that is me ). We kept in contact and on 2nd of Feb we got back together. Last week she started being weird and this tuesday she said that she wants to be friends for now and meet as friends as she rushed into another relationship. Now my honest feedback to what happened to me is that I want her even if it takes time. The major problem is that it's her neighbor, she owns his car which she bought off him and loves his niece to bits. She has realised that he is not good for her and from what it seems like, she is not getting back with him, she just wants her space and time alone to get over things. Do you think that if she comes back, let's say fully over him, is worth it? Please help cause it's killing me. I love her. thanks

my ex is in a rebound relationship,,and he is not happy with it he had a crush on her before we met(we dated for 7mts),and she was also dating some-one.we broke up,he said what the heck lets try this,, it does not sound like its going well he still talks to me, he cant do anything about it,she likes him now and so he has to stay,,or risk hurting her,,so no its not worth it,and to may people jump in with out thinking,,

i have a story for you that im not proud of. I was married 23 yrs lacked passion in our relationship we didnt nurture it and it was burning out. Then on night my prince charming rolled into a club i worked at. We talked i gave him my email address and he contacted me 2 wks later. We started off as friends and progressed into the most passionate relationship. I tried counseling wwith my ex but we were done. I didnt divorce right away this man i met was very obsessed, possessive, insecure,passive agressive. He had a strong hold on me . I tried to break up but he would never let go. Well i divorced got my apt. hit financial issues he wouldnt help with. I advised early on for him to get therapy he did and it seemed the therapist told him the relationship wasnt healthy daghh. He had backed off from me the past two months, wouldnt pick the phone up texes were late my intuition was telling me something. He then said he doesnt know how he feels we need to go back to when we first met he cant forget everything that happened. Well i found out he had someone else How? we were supposed to go to lunch and he told me he was going to meet his friend a guy.. I called him he didnt pick up txed himno texes back. when i got to his house he answered a few mins later i tld him i wanted to talk and he was stand offish. I tried to work my wy in the door and he said he had company its a girl and he been eeing her for 32 months. I asked him where she was and he said in the bedroom! I went to look and she was a younger version of me. I was very upset but at the same time releived all the lies. I told her be prepared for the ride because he will take you on one. He is 41 i am 49 and take care of myself he claims the girl is 35 either way i felt he came into my life to destroy me my family, My ex and i still talk and i wish i neverleft him. He will do the samething to this girl . I have many regrets . I am seeing a therapist next wk. Oh to pour salt in old wounds i get an email yesterday oh shes just a friend (yea sure sitting on your bed)this is theman thaqt wanted to marry me 4 months after we met . My whole message is rebounds dont work he had me sooooo manipulated when i was at such a low point. In the long run it might be a blessing in disguise because if we good married i really would have issues.

because those relationships dont begin with love, just circumstances.

This is an interesting thread. My wife ended our 17-year relationship 8 months ago, and I hooked up with an acquittance a month ago at a statewide conference. We have started seeing each other, but live about 400 miles apart so our visits are infrequent. But I am in a rebound relationship. Through this website and many others that discuss rebound relationships, I have learned what is motivating me to act the way I am (and I agree with all of what is said), and I've learned the consequences that potentially face the one I am rebounding with. I acknowledge that I am "using" her to get through a tough period in my life, and don't see us forming a life-long bond (which is the last thing I need anytime soon). However, I do like her company and appreciate our time together. While I realize the value of this thread--and getting its message out there for all to read--I wonder if there isn't too much generalizing going on. I dated many women before I married my wife, all of which ended in breakups initiated by either them or me--and we all do this! The chances of any dating relationship leading to a serious one has got to be pretty small, so isn't there a risk in assuming that rebound relationships are likely to end in failure? Most dating relationships do anyway.

mine didn't work. i was with my girlfriend for 3 years planning to get married the whole 9 yards. we broke up and a few months later i started dating a really really amazing girl, but i couldn't do it i just got more and more depressed. finally, i had a talk with her, and she understood 6 months earlier she got out of a 7 year relationship. due to our conversation we are on geat terms, and still hang out. if we had not talked we would have been heading for a train wreck. now on the other hand, my ex started dating a guy (had sex with 2 different guys the day after we broke up)she works with. he hadn't been working there long, and a month later they moved in together. talk about a kick in the you know what. so that hurt me sooooo much. she told me she loves him blah blah blah. reading about rebounds sure helps me. i know now she still thinks about me more than she should. i think about her all the time, not so much about getting back together. we did that once got back together then she dumped me, and started this other relationship which happened between our first break up. she told me. you know we told each other all about what we did between our first break up. so i hear through a mutual friend that she still loves me till the day she dies, will never meet anybody like me again, and moving in whith this guy was probably too fast. then the texts started, then finally the call. i told her to leave me alone. wow this break up is the hardest thing i have ever been through even my mothers death. btw i am very convinced she has borderline personality disorder. ugh i have my health and all of that, but life can still be hard reguardless.

I divorced my husband of 16yrs 1yr ago & he married afta 2 months to a lady he had been dating for the last 2 years. Now he want a secret sex affair with me because im still single & he misses me. What do u say about this

They have a shallow basis. People don't rebound because they like the new person, they rebound because they're still hurting from the break-up. So they need someone to ease their loneliness and validate their self-esteem. Eventually, they see how empty the rebound relationship is, and how little they have in common with the rebound boyfriend/girlfriend.

Uh Oh

They dont work because they are not built on any foundations. People get into rebound r'ships because they want to avoid the feelings of loneliness and do not want to deal with their own issues.They get into them for completely the wrong reasons. Its only ever destined to go one way. Down rather fast. They never last. When you break up with someone who's been long term, you need to be single for a while or even a longtime. You need the time to think, to consider and in many cases, to really consider wether or not splitting from their ex was the right thing to do. In many cases once people are out of the r'ship, they see that actually, they really do want that person. My ex who was my first love, together for 3 years, finished with me a month ago and literally overnight, got into a r'ship with a complete stranger. They are completely wrong for eachother and will only both end up hurt. He has already hurt her by lying too her etc and she has admitted she cant trust him. I predicted the way it would go failry quickly and so far I am being proved right. We still talk and see eachother and I am always the first person she calls when somthing is wrong. I think that speaks volumes about the strength of her 'r'ship' with her new guy.She is already saying she 'isnt sure about him now', doesnt like the things he does etc etc etc. She has no trust in him at all. Avoid rebounds at all costs.

i just had a relationship with a rebounder. we've just celebrated our 3rd month recently. everything was going well, i knew he was so in love with me and i love him as well. we're planning things in the future and i thought we had it really right. we had an agreement not to talk about ex-es in the early start of the relationship, until one time the conversation went to how we started. only then i knew that when we started, he was not sure if that was the date he broke up with his ex, or a week after that. he told me things were not working out with him and his ex for a year already, and i was just the greatest thing that happened to his life. he said he had moved on. i said, how? there wasn't a period when he grieved for his ex, between it and being with me. learning it was a rebound, of course i am the best thing to happen to his life, after a wretched relationship. aside from the thought of not wanting to be seen as a guy-snatcher from another relationship, i don't think i can handle the thought of being a rebound. i let go of him, though he's such a nice and caring man. i wouldn't be quited by my thoughts telling me i am a rebound, with a lot of doubts, plus the thought of thinking him so selfish that he never told me the truth before we got together, only for a good ego boost. *sigh*

Because you're looking for too much in it and you've probably picked the worse person for it.