ANSWERS: 29
  • because they think they only have to be lovey toward their husband, and that they can be a snot and a jerk toward the kids. they just want the husband to have an INTENSE love for them and they want to be the SUPREME ruler over the kids. they do not think about others. But I'm only talkin' about SOME OF THEM. =)
  • These people are probably not the best parents to their own biological children either. Some people just aren't good at parenting, and take their frustration with their own inability to manage the situation out on the kids. They might also be annoyed that they found the love of their life, only to find out he already has kids... Not knowing any women like this, I can't say for sure. I just imagine they probably aren't good parents in general, not just to their step-kids.
  • My step mother doesn't like me much. I get in the way, I take up too much of my dad's money and attention, and plus she thinks I am a really odd gothic child who will come in the night and eat her soul or something (mwahaha, just the way I like it!) But for the most part it seems to be jealousy at the amount of attention I get. I barely see my dad at all, but she is a very needy and jealous woman
  • I think it is a bit more complex than just "they wouldn't be good parents anyway". It is a tough job to step into an established parent/child relationship. The child can see you as usurping their Mum and be difficult to deal with. The woman has to work out how to balance "I'm not replacing your mother" with "I still have to play a motherhood role". They also fell in love with the bloke, and yeah, there can be a heap of jealousy to work through if the bloke has a daughter as well. Some people are just better at dealing with it all - they're the lucky ones I think!
  • Why do some mothers mistreat their children? I mean, who knows? My mother mistreated my stepsister because she thought she was a spoiled brat. (She was.) My mother mistreated me because I made her feel like a failure and was a constant reminder of everything that was wrong with her. (I was.) Whether justified or not, why does any person mistreat a child? This is a very loaded question.
  • I think it is because other people's children bother us more than our own. You know how a person could be in a store with some god awful children and just stand there like nothing is going on? These same people will think someone elses children are annoying if they saw the same thing happen to someone else. NO one is as sweet or good as our children. I think a little jealousy is also involved. I have a step-son but I treat him better than his mother does. He will talk to me about everything but, his natural mother is too botherd to listen. Parenting is a learned skill some people never acquire.
  • My good friend said for a long time she couldn't stand to look at her step sons, because he reminded her of her husband being with another woman. (Her hubby went back and forth between the both of his ladies for some time.) It wasn't until she was putting her step son in his pajamas and into bed and he said he wished his mom would do things like that for him, that she realized how unfair she had been.
  • I think it's unanimous- some people aren't very good at relationships. It takes some self-awareness. I have 3 teenagers and am totally devoted to them- always have been. We have an excellent relationship, but they're with their Dad, and his wife treats my girls badly. She's very controlling, and they're always afraid of making her mad. I've tried to befriend her but she won't have it. She has told them she can't understand why they love me so much and don't feel the same way for her. She forces it. They can't even talk about me. She's said she's jealous of our relationship, but just doesn't have a clue. Her hostility towards me keeps her from having a good relationship with the girls, and her lack of self-awareness and willingness to let go of her judgements keeps her clueless. Their father has even come close to leaving her over this! Hang in there! In 5 years, is it really goona matter? :oP
  • I am a step-mother and sometimes it is not easy. Part of the time you can get on really well with your step-children and part of the time it is sheer hell. They can and will compare you to their mother (who in this case died and was mounted on a pedestal) and you will never ocme off well in that. Sometimes, because you are not their parent (in a sense)you can see stuff more clearly and see when they are getting away with stuff and have your partner wrapped round their little fingers....and that makes you the 'wicked-bitch-of-the-west'. And sometimes you just don't like them and they just don't like you. So when you think a step-parent is mistreating their step-child make sure you look at the whole picture and see BOTH sides before commenting. Some kids will NEVER accept a step-parent (Hollywood notwithstanding) and there is nothing anyone can do.
  • Some step children act like little monsters. Some Biodads don't parent their children, and let them get away with acting like monsters. Some women are just damn bitchy. Some women don't like kids.
  • Some step parents are jealous needy childish people who are threatened by the child parent relationship that preexisted their arrival.
  • I am a stepmother and I would never mistreat my stepchildren. They are Gods children as well and they deserve the same love and respect as any other child. I think its a disgrace that any mother, step or not, would mistreat any child. These kids didn't ask to be born, we need to look after them.
  • I do not know, but You would think they would have great compassion for them. 1. because they are your husbands children 2. because they probably need you more than most children would. 3. because they are children I have had 8 step children, and do not understand how anyone can do this.
  • I brought my step-daughter up from the age of 5 years she is 26 years now and we have always got on,she is like a best friend we go shopping do the gym together my life would be alot emptier without her and i thank my lucky stars that i had the opportunity to be in her life.
  • And some step fathers. Even with the best intentions, it can be damn hard to avoid being an 'evil step parent'. I've seen it. Perfectly good people, except around the step-kiddies. (And of course, the step-kiddies can be brats themselves too. Don't forget that bit!) When my father died (I was an adult and had already left home), I thought "Well mum shouldn't have to live alone. She should be able to re-marry if she wants to." (She hasn't yet), but for some reason the idea of any other bloke being with my mum gives me a 'yucky' feeling. So I'm guessing there's some kind of psychological barrier that makes things difficult right from the beginning. Because the step parent hasn't seen the kid grow and so can't tell what stage the kid's development is up to? Because the step parent never gets enough exclusive time with the real parent? These are my guesses but I'll be interested to see what others have to say.
  • They are mean, self centered, and insecure.
  • it must be hard as the children think they are replacing there real mum obviously as the adult we know that they can never be replaced, especially if the mother passed away ive heard some stories where the kids treat the step parent like hell and they are hard to deal with. your question states 'mistreat' do you mean abuse? i think the percentage will be very similar to actual parent these days
  • why is "stepmother" so ugly! She is looking for a new home with her new-found husband. Don't you think that children get in the way? Well, step - mother and step - children are things of long forgotten fairy tales. We're living in the new age. But we have the same loathing of older ones who will take away from us. BEWARE!
  • It's amazing to me that so many stepmother's don't accept responsibility for their part in the problem. Let's face it, teenagers are difficult to deal with in any situation. While these women can't be expected to have the automatic and unconditional love they have for their own children, many of them could find a way to better connect with the kids.
  • weeellll it could be that SOME stepmothers resent the fact they have to share thier new partner with a child, the might be unwilling to accept this new responsibility in thier life of looking after a child. Don't get me wrong - abuse in any case is wrong, and i'm not condoning it in anyway... however, these might be some reasons.
  • because it's not their kids. and kids are difficult and if they aren't yours you dont love them as much. My step mom is great but I have known some women who talk horribly about their step kids. It's so sad.
  • I think that it has a lot to do with bonding. You bond with your kids when they are born. If a woman doesn't have the chance to properly bond with a child, she won't love him/her as much as she would her own children. Also, don't lay all the blame on her. In most situations, she is doing the best she can. She wasn't there for the child's whole life, she missed some of it, therefore she can not really know the child like the biological parents. I have a friend with a step-mom, and she gives that woman hell. Constantly compares her to her "real" mom, and competes with her for daddy's affection. She also tells her "you can't tell me what to do, you're not my mom!" How can you expect her to be sweet and serene after hearing something like that? When all you wanna do is smack her for being a disrespectful twit.
  • I speak as someone who came late into her stepdaughers' lives. They were already almost young women by the time I met their dad. So a lot of who they are has nothing to do with me. I had hoped that we would form strong relationships that might turn into familial-type love eventually, but so far that hasn't happened. Some of this has to do with their upbringing; their mother is a very depressed, angry woman and their stepfather is a nervous twit! The two of them forced my husband out as much as they could, although he still did all the right things as a non-custodial dad. So I think the girls ended up with a lot of problems in relationships; they are simply not very loving people. And, since I am not the kind who automatically "loves," but needs a long time to form relationships, (my husband is a happy exception to that), I can't overcome their relationship problems by simply giving them unqualified love. However, we continue on and, I think, we have a sort of attachment that might, one day, turn into a kind of family-type loyalty and love.
  • Maybe the poor kid looks like the other parent and the step mother is jelious. Maybe the stepmom just can't take the compitition that might come when the step child is there..
  • I love generalizations. . .not. I'm sure just as many men are guilty of this. Please turn off your caps lock. Thanks :) See this answer http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/145007
  • Because they are not hers. She feels saddled with responsibility of taking care of something in which she has no part.
  • Why do men sexual abuse their step children?
  • 'Women' don't mistreat their step children. Some people mistreat them because of psychotic issues. For some it is jealousy at the reminder of the previous spouse, for others it is because they are simply mean and hateful people who spread misery wherever they go. It can also be many other things but I think that covers it for the most part.
  • Not all women mistreat their step children . Guess women with bad experiences , from confused families and selfish motives may .....but guess if a woman loves her husband she would never want to hurt her husband , by mistreating his kids :)

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