ANSWERS: 8
  • if the boyfriend is around - they are already involved. Kids learn by watching
  • depends on the situation. It's like walking a fine line
  • The boyfriend is involved no matter what. Just by being around the kids, his influence is there.
  • The extent of the involvement depends on the mom and how comfortable she is with it. If his girlfriend feels he is a more positive role model and influence in the kids life than their real father and the kids see more of the bf than the dad, then she may not mind him stepping up his role.
  • By being with their mother the boyfriend is already involved in their lives. If you are talking discipline then that would be something between the boyfriend and their mother. I do not think the boy friend should ever put down the father nor fight with the father where the children can hear. He is their father.
  • That's really between you, her, and her boyfriend. If they set limits on what you can do, then you must accede to their wishes and desires. Remember that whatever you do to the kids reflects on her motherhood abilities, and COULD get them taken from her, if you go too far. Other than that, you ARE involved in their upbringing, if she is involved with you. Be a good Dad. Remember, you are the adult, and while you can be friends, you must also be ... "parental". Love her kids as if they were your own. Again, the ONLY "bone of contention" here should be what YOUR role with them should be. Discuss it with her. If you don't contact the father at all, she will have to play "go-between" to ask what limits he wants in place. Bare minimum, you should be able to enforce "time-out", and she should mete out any other punishment they should get. DO NOT argue with her in front of the child/kids, especially if they love you. They've "lost" one father, and may fear losing you, too.
  • It depends on how long you want to be with her, how serious this committment is, and all that. But again, don't cause problems if the father feels like you are replacing him too much. The only thing I can say is, be a damn good role model for this kid. He's not going to have a great positive male influence, and if he doesn't get one then he may be a little messed up later.
  • Boyfriend and Girlfriend, No...let mt explain.. More often than not you will be another in a line of boyfriends. Children are not items to be shared and experimented with. They are not to be used as a tool for dating. They have a father and in the children's mind this will be a wedge between them and him. Why should they have to subdivide their affections and obligations between you and him. This is very confusing, not to mention it teaches the children that no real commitment is needed when it comes to raising children. Many times a man will get involved with a woman who has kids to satisfy some sense of responsibility, or to be the "white knight" rescuing the damsel in distress. Good for fairy tales, not so good in real life. If you truly care for this woman and her children, take it slow, foster the relationship between the children and their father, and show a real commitment by marrying their mother. Even still you will have to understand that they already have a father and you will be second to him. But that is the price for choosing someone with children....Good Luck to you and always remember it is not about you or her it is ALL about the kids...

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