• Really has nothing to do with ethics but more of emotions. It takes two to mess around, and two of them betrayed you. I cannot even imagine which one I would resent more, him or HER. But females are our friends and she betrayed that friendship, then again so did he. The ultimate decision is up to you, but I would forgive them both and just move on to different group of friends
  • Both sides are always at fault...unless he raped her, in which case she needs to have him arrested. Ethics are what you believe in your heart and mind to be the correct way to live so it's hard for me to tell you whether something is ethical or not. I think you can forgive him faster because of how you feel or felt about him whereas you didn't or don't have those intense feelings for the other person so there's no sense of urgency to move past the hurt they helped cause. It's also always easier to continue to lay the blame at someone else's door so we don't HAVE to properly deal with the harder stuff.
  • okay... this question started out with IF.... doesn't mean it happened or will happen..... channel your energy into the relationship and don't worry about things that haven't happened
  • if you dont forgive someone really that pain is still left with you. everything is forgivable but nothing is can forgive someone and not like them or have anything to do with them.
  • If my boyfriend ever cheated on me, both him and the girl he cheated on me with would be at fault. Therefore, I would want nothing to do with either of them, at least for a while. Yes, I know that I would forgive them both because hatred is a waste of an emotion and I could have easily been in his shoes and cheated on him, even though I hope I never will find myself in that position. However, since my boyfriend told me he would never cheat on me, I am willing to trust his statement. If he breaks that trust.. then hell will break loose. Or maybe not. Nevertheless, if the situation ever becomes reality, I'm sure not-so-nice words would be exchanged, and I'd tell them to get out of my life because it would hurt too much to deal with either of them.
  • Well this happened to me today. I found out my boyfriends cheated on me, so i dont know if i should believe him or one of my best friends. She seems to say its all his falt but his sayin nothing happened. I really want to sort it out but not want to have anything to do with them for a while.
  • Yes this something which i find really annoying - it seems the wounded party just aims all their anger at the other female/male and not at their partners?
  • My boyfriend cheated on me and I made the decision of forgiving him and the other girl. It was both of their faults but I believe my husband could have made a wiser decision.
  • First off the other girl no matter who she is or if she knows he is taken or not is not the issue or should it be. I am not dating her so to me she isn't at fault. She never made a promise to me but he did. She didn't break a promise to me, he did. When a guy that is suppose to be with me strays it is all his fault and only his. He is suppose to not be looking.He cheats on me then no I would never forgive him so he can turn around and do it again. I have way too much self respect for that. I would dump him so fast he forget my name. I could no longer trust him or anything he said so why would I put myself through the drama.
  • Look at it this way: Why is cheating a problem? Because it violates the trust between you and your S/O. The focus should be entirely on that, and how it affects the relationship. The "other" person is not the issue, nor should it be. The other person could be ANYONE, it doesn't change the fact that the dynamic between you and your S/O has been altered and/or violated. As far as fault goes... how could cheating be the "other" person's fault? Your S/O made the conscious decision to betray you. Regardless of what charms, seductions, etc. the other girl was putting out, your BF always had the option to say "No, that would be wrong". The fact that he didn't is the issue here.
  • Forgiveness is a primary virtue. Always forgive.
  • It's unethical to not try to forgive them both and move on.
  • Well, your boyfriend was more at fault than the girl. After all, she didn't cheat on you (unless she's your friend). Even if she knew he was with you, if she's not your friend, it's a far lesser fault - it's not really a betrayal, it just isn't a nice thing to do. It's your boyfriend that betrayed you. I don't think there is such a thing as an "ethics of forgiveness". Forgiveness is deeply personal, and deeply emotional. It's very normal for you to feel this way. After all, you might still love him and want to be with him, and for that, you need to forgive him. But you want and need nothing from this other girl, and hence there is no desire to forgive her. If this happens, I wouldn't beat yourself up about not forgiving the girl. It's not a big deal. I would, however, analyze your motives for forgiving your boyfriend, and try to determine if you really are forgiving him, or just saying you are to yourself and him so you can try to make things work, which is often doomed to failure.
  • i don't understand how you can forgive your bf but not the other woman.all she did was have a tryst with a man.what he did was knowingly cheat on the woman he was in a relationship with.what he did was way worse than the woman.unless of course the woman was your friend, then if you can forgive one you should forgive the other.
  • My boyfriend cheated on me after about a year of being together. He cheated on me with a friend of mine who knew we were together. My boyfriend and I are still together but I haven't forgiven either of them. It makes the relationship really difficult, but the thought of breaking up is worse then baring with the heartache. SO, basically it's a mess. The only advice I can give is as soon as you find out GET OUT. I wish I had. Now, a lot of time has gone by and a lot of things have happened, it's hard to just leave. I know how much it hurts when you find out, believe me, but he will only be a constant reminder of what happened. And seeing her is even worse. Just end it (no matter how many times he apologizes, it will never be enough) and try your best to move on, keep yourself busy, surround yourself with friends and just forget.
  • i am totally in agreement with the girl that said get out because she wished she had. im the exact same. im with my bf 2 yrs and about a yr since he cheated and i wish i had gotten on too. but ive become so dependant and i love him so much (how wrong is that like?) that i cant leave. and im more annoyed with myself for not leaving than i am at him for doing it now. the trust is completely gone. and the majority of my time is spent worrying. get out of it if he cheats. trust me.
  • hmm. the other girls slept with a man who was taken. he violated your personal one on one trust and commitment,,, she is not a nice person but HE betrayed you
  • Easy to forgive him because you want to be with him - which would be more of a selfish motive for doing so. Much harder to forgive her because there is nothing tangible you will draw from it. Also you still see her as a threat because they could easily get together again. Which is why Jesus talked about forgiving your enemies. You have to extend yourself much more to do that.

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