My 15 y/o son is getting out of jail 6 days before Christmas. Should I feel bad for not buying him anything? I don't think that he deserves it.
by 
snakelover
ANSWERS: 30
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In all technicalities, he probably doesn't deserve anything. If he tries to suck up, just tell him that it was his own dumb fault for getting his butt stuck behind bars.
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What did he do to get in there?
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Get him an ankle bracelet.
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I too am an ex-criminal so I sympathise with him a little bit, I think you should include him, there is a reason he is acting out and getting into trouble and as much as parents hate to admit it that reason usually stems from them one way or the other, even if you dont give him a gift make sure you include him so he knows hes loved, but make sure he knows his behavior is unexeptable.
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Buying someone a present is entirely up to you, regardless whether the recipitent has been in gaol (jail) or prison or anywhere like it. If he is expecting it then he doesn't deserve it. Something for you to think about though, do you think he has changed? is he likely to commit the crime again? Have you forgiven him? maybe have something small and simple hidden away just in case he really is a changed person, then you won't need to feel guilty because you have backup Either way have a good Christmas yourself!
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I think the best gift you can give him is to let him experience the consequences of his actions, so he doesn't end up in there again next year. And once he has felt the pain of them, to welcome him back into the family with love. Think of the prodigal son.
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People usually get rewarded for good behavior and not bad. That's the way parenting works. Maybe he will realize that. Good call on your part though.
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I can understand your anger and resentment, I wonder how punishing him will help the situation. If Christmas is truly about celebrating Christ's birth, how will that fit into that theme? If it were you getting out of jail , what would you hope for?
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i dont think he needs a present but maybe jst to know how much you love him.
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No you shouldn't. If by chance you do buy him something just go buy him a shirt. Honestly though he should just be thankful to have a place to go once he is released.
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If he has payed for his crime then should he be continuously punished for it? I don't think you're doing him any favors by excluding him from having a happy holiday by making him feel like an outcast. It seems to me that it'll do more harm then good. Ultimately, it's up to you weather or not to get him a gift, but don't do it just to add to the sentence he's already received.
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He was in jail so he paid his debt to society. Whatever his fault I think he has been punished enough . It was only 15 years he's a child. Offer him a gift, Christmas is the best time to forgive.
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No, you should not feel bad for not getting him anything. You are his mother and you know what is best.
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I'm sure he'll be getting a nice home cooked meal. That should be enough to make him glad to be out.
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It depends a lot on why he was in Jail. Just suppose it was a bum rap, he didn't actually do anything. Then on top of the jail time his parents cut him out of Christmas... That's enough to make some kids decide to become runaways and say "to hell with my parents." Not necessarily the case here, but just my 2 cents.
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You should feel bad for trying to be spiteful and hateful. He had his punishment and you want to keep kicking while he is down. I saw the other comment, you said: He is the epitomy of a "hell child". I know that he is going to be pissed when he sees that he has no presents but he is on the naughty list. If I were getting out of jail, I would hope that my parents still cared abotu me. How is that teaching your child to do the right thing, when he has this for an example? You dont care about teaching him, just punishing him.
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I wouldn't feel bad, that's called being a parent, but at the same time, perhaps you could give him a self help book that addresses the negative behavior associated with his crime.
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I think that every child needs to know love. Gifts are not love, but showing him you love him and accept him, can go along way towards helping him be a better kid.
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ppl need love the most when they deserve it the least, if you son is 15 and on this road, YOU as a parent must share some of the blame for his actions. Things like this don't happen under a watchful eye and when a loving relationship with children exists.
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Aside from any thing you can buy for him, the best gift you can give him is forgiveness. This is a great time of year to start learning to forgive. The best way to show him you are a gracious mom is to treat him like family and someone you love. Being as Christmas has very little to do with gift giving and everything to do with spending time with loved ones and making memories. Give him something good to remember this year. Buy him a damn gift and be sure to tell him you love him.
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Well if you feel he still needs punishment then no you shouldnt feel at all bad. What did the child do to get in jail in the first place?
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M, I am sorry that your firstborn has given you so much grief. He is a foolish boy and hopefully has benefited from the discipline he received by being locked up. Whether or not you buy him anything is completely your choice. Just make sure you don't withhold your love, understanding and care from him. He sounds very mixed up and needs to know that you are deeply concerned about his welfare. I hope you give him a hug and a home cooked meal if he spends the holidays with you and your husband.
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He is getting the best gift of all.....FREEDOM!!!!
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Don't buy him anything, but give him the gifts of unconditional acceptance and love. I hope you have been given this yourself so you know how to give it! It may be hard for you to risk since you have been hurt by this child, but if he can't see anything worth fighting for it will be a longer and harder road to recovery.
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Many purchases can be made that are not about rewarding him for past deeds. How about the book "How to stay out of Jail" or "How to atone for past mistakes" or some such.
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I don't know how long he has been there, but get him some new clothing or something else that he will need. I wouldn't get him electronic gadgets or cell phones at this point.
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I would buy him some reading on how to better oneself.....lol...no not really I would treat him with love and hope that he learned his lesson from the punishment he faced and not keep riding him for it. Kids cannot better themselves when the screw up if everyone acts as though they are unworthy
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When it comes to kids that act out to get attention or to get what they want or whatever... Doing the opposite of what they expect you to do... Is exactly what they need. As what they expect, is usually the exact thing they have already become used to that got them into trouble in the first place. I believe in at least trying kindness in exchange for bad behavior at least once as it doesn't always work... Some people just take it wrong and use it to manipulate you, but offered with an explination making it very clear that the love, has nothing what so ever to do with the fact that they did something wrong usually works wonders.
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I suspect this child has suffered enough where he was. He may not deserve gifts but he deserves to know he is forgiven and loved. It just happens to be Christmas so yes, you should feel badly about not getting him anything. It will only add to his anger and defiance.
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I don't think you should feel "bad"...HOWEVER, I think a gift should be given out of love and not because it was earned. I would give him presents; I would want him to know that I love him in spite of his mistakes. The gifts would not be frivolous though, they would be learning tools for self-improvement, spirituality and my time (one-on-one with him). I think a perfect gift for a troubled child is making yourself available to them. For example, you can spend a day walking dogs together (for your local shelter) and talking about 'stuff'. Truly, time spent together is a gift for you both. God bless you and your son. I hope things turn around for him. btw: Christmas is the holiday that we celebrate the gift God sent, Jesus. How "deserving" were we? He gave because He loves us...not because we earned it.
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